I've only be in groups a little over 3 years.... however,  I have had limited exposure to all the many, many different kinds of groups out there,  so I'm still learning some things about how people relate to each other on them. 

 

 

 

 

Just a casual hello... little bit of conversation in passing... someone new here....don't really know him ...  and as we parted ways something in me said.... "I'm not too sure about that guy...."  and I formed the mental attitude that that was not someone I'd want to get to know better.

 

 

With some members it's nice to casually be nice to on the board kind of thing... but not someone I'd want to get close to and more involved with.   And then there are some who I wish they lived next door and we could be life-long buds. 

 

Some people go together really well, and easily.  But not everyone.

 

Now.... the take on this I'm wanting to discuss is about managing these people.   A large number of members will come from a wide variety and mix of characters, personalities, likes and dislikes....  not all of which is going to be someone the manager would really want to become loving, close friends with....  yet.. as manager...  more or less has to be in contact with them... daily.

 

 

I've heard and seen about 3 or 4 different kinds of management styles....

 

First kind I encountered was.... managers did not get involved at all, except to police and monitor the place.   Membership was open... members were pretty much left on their own to intermingle as they chose.   Those kind are dieing away I believe....

 

Second kind .. management posted on board like "one of the guys"... and also monitored and kept things smoothly running.   I found I really liked this much better.   I didn't really like the idea of someone sitting watching me.. but never letting themselves be known... as manager or as a person.

 

Third kind I've encountered is the "controlling" type of manager ....    the focus is that "this is my group, I run things here, and this is the way I want it to be, you have no say so... and if you don't fit in..... as in post the wrong kind of messages etc...  

 

In other words...the group is pre-formed to be a certain kind of place, a certain kind of atmosphere.. and the manager holds a tight reighn on the behavior and conversations to keep it in the style she has declared she wants it to be.    Sometimes done in a very friendly, caring way... but not always.   Some I've come across are just on a power trip... and seem to just enjoy being in charge.

 

Then.. there is a fourth kind I've seen.... the true "friendship" groups... where a few people on one group may have formed like-minded close bonds... and started their own private group just for themselves, yet also still in all their other groups too.

 

(Add a fifth kind.... the 'how to' / 'help' groups.. built around learning things on the computer....  as an artist/writer kind of person  I'd put these kind of like-minded people separate from those group categories above.... when those with same interests get together, you don't usually run into people you would not want to be frieinds with. )

 

There could be other styles to add to the list.. but for length... that is enough... don't want to scare everyone off completely. 

 

 

To have a large group of 100 or more members....  what do you think is the best style of management?   Having that many members is going to bring in a variety of personality types....not all always compatable.

 

 

How should a manager handle it ... when people join that personally, she/he does not really like.. and would not want to go out to a movie with or invite over to her home.....  but on the group board.... is supposed to be caring and loving... 

 

In other words....  what do you think a manager's feelings towards his/her members should be?   Fake it at times ? ... pretend to care about someone that in reality you'd cross the street to avoid...?.. as long as there is peace in the group?    How does she/he stay impartial and fair and not hurt feelings by letting on she/he feels closer and more ready to talk with some people than others?   Or should that even have to be done?   Should she only allow members who "fit in" to the perception of the kind of people she/he wants to interact with.

 

(There are huge "help" type groups.....  filled with a wide mix, variety of members that get along pretty much...lol.   But I don't see these as 'friendship' type groups I'm referring to ...even though there is lots of friendliness on them.   Friendship isn't the main goal of those kind of groups so I don't see this kind of issue on those kind of groups.)  

 

However, over and over I hear it being said about many more groups these days... "we are just about building friendships and having a good time".   What if someone wants to join that you don't want to include in your friendship circle?.. for whatever reason.   When does a group for "building friendships" become a closed group for "only certain kinds of friends"....

 

And for a large groups aimed at everyone being friends.....

 

Do you think a manager should even be involved in wanting to become "good friends" with the members..

 

or is the manager supposed to only "provide a place"... for the members to form those friendship bonds?   where close friendships are formed.... but between various small groups of like minded members in the larger whole...   

 

 

How would one do that.. without the manager's choices for the atmosphere, and type of group she/he wanted to create and run... being compromised?

 

This thread is about "friendships" on a group board... and the conflicting role of manager/controller of the group seeking to find the right balance in her relationships as manager of/with the members... and manager of/with the friends.