Sixteen and Divorced when i came home, all i wanted to do was get away from home again, mom and i just did not get along, we had a very strained relationship,she was not loving,and her mouth could destroy you with just a few words, but we could talk about unpersonal things for hours, she had a lot of pride,and always did her duty,but we were never close, i used to envy other children, that had mothers that hugged them, that bragged on their children, encouraged them.and i promised my self, my children,love came first, and an open display of love. they would have no doubt in their mind about my love to them.i may have over done it,lol.my son told me one time, stop bragging on me mom, you embarrass me.
anyway, i dated alot,was engaged,i even dated my stepfathers brother for awhile, even though he was 20 years older then me,we may have gotten married, but fate stepped in, his feelings got hurt easily,
one day we had a date, and he was an hour late, me with little patience, the phone rang, i answered and said hello, mom asked who it was it,and i said nobody, he had stopped at the pay phone to call me and say he was on his way, what he did not know, was, that phone was broke, he could hear me but i could not hear him, of course he never showed up, and never called me again, i found out later, when someone asked him about why he had stopped dating me, he said no way was he going with someone who called him a nobody. i am sorry he was hurt, but i always say never judge anyone about anything, until you check it out, always give the benifit of doubt.
i know it would not have been a passionate marriage, but he would have been a good husband, and father, he never married, he died about 15 years ago years ago,
one night i excepted a blind date my girlfriend set me up with, her boyfriends cousin, he was goodlooking, out going, we had fun dates, you know movies,beaches,fast food, parks,those thing that did not cost a lot of money,sitting on the street, listening to the radio, watching all the kids we knew drive up and down the street, one night he came out for our date,he showed me a telegram, i read greetings
he had been inducted into, the u.s.army, and he turned to me and said, well are you going to marry me or not, that was the first i had heard about marriage, but me dummy said yes, still that push to get away from home, wow did i step into it that time,
on our wedding night, the only words he said to me
were, now you are mine. and you know i think that was all he cared about, there was no patience,no loving kindness to teach me things, oh i forgot to say he was almost 5 years older then me. he never encourged me, complemented me, whether it was my cooking, housekeeping or my looks, and at that time, i was considered a knockout, he took it amoung his self to start,tearing me down, day by day,year in and year out, and because i had crawled home, i would not admit to another failure, so i stayed, had two miscarriages, one still birth, and three lovely children, who i loved dearly,if it had not been for them i would have been completely crazy, n locked up now.
my minster told me one time, that my husband only felt great, when he was drunk, then he felt he was somebody, i realized that his tearing me down, made him feel powerful, every time he degraded me he felt better about hisself
i know i am repeating my self in lot of places,but i
as i move through my life story and trying to tell it in chapters, as you can see i am still leaving out stuff, as my mind gets caught up in one thing, i jump ahead
when i got out of that marriage there was none of the old me left, i was a stranger to myself, but who knows, we learn from the bad, we grow stronger in ways, that is different then the strengths we had before, i learned humility,i had no pride left in my self, looks, or intelligence, i had to rebuild me,
and my late husband helped me do that, i like me better now, then i did that eighteen year old girl, but i cannot be thankful for all the abuse,
later
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