The other thought that came to me about him during my prayer time was that his kind of love is not a 'giving' love... because what he does is "feeds on other people". He takes, he sucks from them whatever it is he is needing for himself... he feeds off of them... and never gives any kind of nourishment to others. If he is asked to give something, he does, no problem. (that makes him look so nice and giving) But, he never gives anything on his own from the inside.. for the sake of meeting someone elses needs. He looks out first for feeding himself..getting for himself what he needs.
this is my nate to a tee,he is most charming,sweet talks, waits on me, but if i complain about needing something emotion wise, he takes offence,as a direct hit at him, its always about him,i have to feed his ego constantly, you have to live with some one a while to find these other sides to a man.
right now i feel the need to give, and i thrive on the flattery he pays me.
so it will work for awhile maybe, i get really down some times, when i know he does not really listen to me,
it is strange, the other day we were sitting out side on his patio,and he was looking at me, and he asked me something, and the first time in a whole year i saw the look on his face, he was seeing me, and listening for my answer, and crimmy i got embarrassed, he was seeing me, can you believe that. once in a whole year.....
and my problems also go way back
all the way to early childhood/infancy... of being to one degree or another... at times... ignored, unwanted, neglected.
so i need too, if i was younger and in good health, grace i might go your way,
you are doing great and getting stronger each day, i think i see in you, a need to be independant,and need a man to meet and love you as an equal.but you are going to be alright, til god says grace here is your equal, i have saved him for you.
me i am a little on the weaker side, all i need is love, lots of love, never had it as a child, but i want all of it, in that way i am selfish also, i am saying inside, love me, damn it love me.i have always come in second to someone else, tired of that,lol
well i gotta go get me some breakfast
hugs and prayers coming your way
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