I'm off to work in a bit.   It's such a horrible feeling to face having

failed your child.   My little girl is hurting.... and it's my fault, and so

that makes me hurt.  Yes, we will all "get over it"...we always do

don't we.   But right now I'm facing for the first time some of

what I did NOT give my kids when they were growing up.  And

it hurts, a lot.   I didn't put them first.  I often didn't even think

about their happiness.... not the kind provided by a sense of

security from having a stable home, living in one house all of

their life, having memories of "home".  

 

(I was writing this on my group... and decided to move it here.

My emotions were overflowing... but they are calmed down

now.   No matter what path I would take with the thoughts up

there.... it leads to the same place, that it wasn't totally bad for

them growing up.   Shanna has a situation built up in her head..

...and it's a choice she made for herself.   She's distraught about

maybe losing their house....she is upset about possibly repeating

the same pattern she grew up with.. us always "losing" our home

and moving, a lot.   Her chidlhood could have been so much

worse... but, she is not in a place to see that right now.   And so

she has it built upin her head to be a lot worse than it really is....

except for her, it's a matter of her childhood wounds... and those

 are so deep they can hurt worse than anything else in life.  

It's fixable, it's changeable... but right now she is not in a place

to see that.  And so she is hurting.. and angry all at the same time.

That  can be too much for a person.   I can only pray it does not

break her.