> When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
> expensive....so, I took her to a gas station.....
> And then the fight started.
> *********************************************************
> I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
> Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would
> make her look better at night than the cold cream.
> And then the fight started.
> ************************************************************
> After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
> Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to
> verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at
> home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home
> and come back later.
> The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
> So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver
> hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social
> Security application.
> When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social
> Security office.
> She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
> disability, too'
> And then the fight started.....
> ***************************************************************
> My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept
> staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby
> table.
> My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
> 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking
> right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been
> sober since.'
> 'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating
> that long?'
> And then the fight started.....
> ************************************************************
> I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and
> slowly the other driver got out of his car.
> You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just
> seem funny?
> Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!!
> He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and said, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'
> So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
> And then the fight started....
> *************************************************************
> I took my wife to a restaurant The waiter, for some reason, took my order
> first.
> 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'
> He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
> 'Nah, she can order for herself.'
> And then the fight started.
> ***************************************************************
> My wife asked me to take her out to eat,,,somewhere she has not been in a
> long time.
> So I took her to the kitchen.
> And then the fight started.
> ***************************************************************
> My wife asked me for something bright and shiny that goes from zero to 200
> mph in less than 4 seconds
> When she got home there was a bathroom scale in the driveway.
> And then the fight started.