HUMOR Old but stlll funny 
 
 
 
Three men are sitting stiffly side by side on a long commercial 
flight. 
 
After they're airborne and the plane has leveled off, the man in 
the window seat abruptly says, distinctly and confidently, in a loud voice, 
"Admiral, United States Navy, retired. Married, two sons, both surgeons." 
After a few minutes the man in the aisle seat states through a 
tight lipped  smile, "Admiral, United States Coast Guard, retired. Married, two 
sons,  both judges." 
 
After some thought, the fellow in the center seat decides to 
introduce himself. 
With a twinkle in his eye he proclaims, "Master Chief, United 
States Navy, retired. Never married, two sons, both Admirals." 
 
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During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a 
muddy backroad  encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel  at the wheel. 
 
"Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside. 
 
"Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the 
keys,"Yours is." 
 
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Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was 
sitting at his desk 
when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, 
the colonel 
quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said 
into the phone, 
"Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass 
along your message. 
In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir." 
 
Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted 
man, he asked, 
"What do you want?" 
 
"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to 
hook up your telephone." 
 
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Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?" 
 
Soldier:"Sure, buddy." 
 
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again . 
 
Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?" 
 
Soldier: "No, SIR!" 
 
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Q: 
How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party? 
A: He'll tell you. 
 
Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots? 
A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot. 
 
Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine? 
A: The jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down. 
 
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An Air Force Chief Master Sergeant and a General were sitting in 
the barbershop. 
They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the 
barbers reached 
for some after-shave to slap on their faces. 
 
The General shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will 
think I've been 
in a whorehouse!" 
 
The Chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put 
it on me. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse 
smells like." 
 
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"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, 
"I suppose 
after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for 
me to die so you 
can come and pee on my grave." 
 
"No sir, after I get out of the Navy I am never going to stand in 
line again!" 
 
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The elderly American gentleman arrived in Paris by plane. At French 
Customs, he 
fumbled for his passport. 
 
"You've been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked 
sarcastically. 
 
The old gent admitted that he had been to France previously. 
 
"Zen, you should know enough to 'ave your passport ready for 
inspection." 
 
The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show 
it." 
 
"Impossible. You Americans always 'ave to show your passports on 
arrival in France!" 
 
The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he 
quietly explained, 
"Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in '44, I 
couldn't find any  Frenchmen to show it to."