He said, "I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library." I thought, "That'll be turn-up for the books."
Apparently, 1 in every 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's not me and I don't reckon it's my mum or my dad. Maybe it's my older brother Colin. It might be my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu, but I think it's Colin.
Two cannibals were eating a clown. One said to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"
I saw this bloke in the high street and the back of his anorak was flicking up and down, and people were chucking money to him. I said "Do you earn a living doing that?" He said "Yes, this my lively hood."
Somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said "PARKING FINE." That was nice.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off
. A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down; you'll just have to be a little patient."
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him what?
A super callused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.
I rang up a local building firm, and said 'I want a skip outside my house tomorrow.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
Two fat blokes where in a pub, and one said to the other "your round." The other one said "so are you!"
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