There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her
brother in another part of the country.
"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.
"Only the Ten Commandments," answered the lady.
"Somebody has well said there are only two kinds of people in the world.
There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning,Lord," and
there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning."
A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was
short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. Then he put a note under
the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't
park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses."
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this
note "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket, I'll
lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."
There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his
congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough
money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out
there in your pockets."
While driving in Pennsylvania , a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The
owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the
back of the carriage was a hand printed sign...
"Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass.
Caution: Do not step in exhaust."
A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys and girls,
what do we know about God?
A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy.
"Really? How do you! know?" the teacher asked.
"You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven... "
A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long
holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead
of him in front of the service station. Finally, the attendant motioned him
toward a vacant pump.
"Reverend," said the young man, "sorry about the delay. It seems as if
everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip."
The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."
People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of
attention.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what
the Bible means!"
His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible
means?"
The son replied, "I do know!"
"Okay, said his father. "So, son, what does the Bible mean?"
"That's easy, Daddy. It stands for 'Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.'"
Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was
about.
The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt."
Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed.
Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what
that morning's Sunday school lesson was about.
He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Give me a sense of humor, Lord,
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some humor out of life,
And pass it on to other folk.
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