Ashton spoke to Patrick last night about wanting to go out.  He said he would talk to me about it.  Anyway, when he told me about what she was wanting to do, I said to him that the version he got is entirely different to the version I got.  Transpires that she and different friends to the ones that I was told about, just want to wander around Manners Mall, Cuba Mall and Courtenay Place.  Both Patrick and I decided the answer was No.  We sat her down and told her that she couldn't go because we both felt that 14 and even 15 is way too young to be wandering around town on a Friday nite; that the last time she went out with those particular friends that they bought illegal booze and drugs (although we did credit her with not touching the booze or drugs), and also that for lying to us she was grounded for this weekend.  She took it better than we anticipated....instead of screaming and abusing us she buggered off to her room in a sulk.

Excellent .. a chokky fish to you and MrW!!

 

Now comes the hard part .. truly .. you have 3 days to get through with her making every attempt she can to change one or other of you two's decision.

 

A wee chat with Mr .. along these lines .. and about how you must present a (shit .. whats that word?)  joined .. combined constant view.

 

There is no discussion about it.  You have said NO and thats it .. now .. peel the spuds with me for dinner.   The sooner you move on, she will stop the sulk and making people tippytoe around her.

 

Good luck.

is there something that she really wants?(not going out etc) but something like an ipod or anything like that?

 

If so, make a deal with her privately and not around the other kids.  Say to her we will have a book on your behavier and if you and Mr see that is has not fits or fights no hitting for a few weeks in a row you will buy her something she would like within a budget that would suit you guys.

 

We are doing this with Alana at the moment.  She only has 2 jobs to do and is not doing them.  We brought her an ipod shuffle(got very cheap) and although she can see it she is not aloud it until she can do her jobs for 2 weeks without been asked.

 

I have been seeing someone since Mum died because i have not been copping very well and the kids had been playing up so the lady i was seening said to try this.  For 2 days in a row with Alana this is working.

 

Good luck Welly

"She refuses to go to anger management classes and counselling". 

It's a trade off really - she wants you to treat her like an adult, she has to act like one.

Suggest that if she attends the counselling and takes responsibility for her own actions then you will accept that she is responsible enough to go out...

 

My parents did the same thing (although it wasn't anger management they were dealing with) and it worked for me. 

 

proabably not

How did the last few days of the week go Wellie?

 

How was she on the supposed Big Night Out?

 

Mischiefs idea is a good one, the contact with a counsellor will give her some tools to use .. she might be surprised. 

 

Counselling is not the big bad wolf that many think it is.

Tomorrow is my last day without a genuine ticket carrying teenager. She has had the attatude for just over 6 months already but she clocks up the number the day after tomorrow.

 

As of Thursday I will be spending the next 12½ years with teenagers.

 

 

Well....she ended up getting over her sulk on Saturday.  She then discovered that HIM is performing in concert in Auckland at the end of next month and wants to go....we said no as with tickets, accommodation, fuel, food money, etc it was going to cost us around $800 for the 6 of us.  Needless to say she got snooty over that.

 

Yesterday, she refused to go to school because she couldn't find her hairbrush and wouldn't use mine even though I washed it under boiling water for her.  I let the school know and she will have several detentions.  Her latest plan is to get expelled from school so she can go to another school that her friend goes too....at a cost of $1000 per year.  No chance of that happening.

 

She seems to have convinced herself that she is unhappy in everything and that is an "Emo's right to be unhappy"

 

On the plus side though, my oldest Tyler who is ADHD has finally settled down.  He will be 16 in June but has knuckled down at school and is not wagging.  He had decided to go into construction (building) as a career and is doing Design Tech Pre-Apprenticeship at school this year and next year.  Teacher says he has a talent for it and if he passes this year he gets a National Certificate in Elementary construction skills and if he completes next year ok then he gets a Qualification that allows him to work on a construction site.  He no longer has any violent episodes and is now really good at getting up, getting ready and getting to school on time.  (Considering he has gained the distinction last year of the being the first ever student in the school's 50 year history to have the most wagging days.)

 

I know all kids are different so I am really hoping that Ashton will eventually "click into place" like Tyler has.

Ah ha .. shes *emo*   Thats answers lots Wellie.

 

I was talking to a mate about your problem yesterday, she has same aged girl cousing same problem.  Her daughter though takes more steps, when they are in bed at night, after telling her she cant go where ever it is, she hops out the window!!

She said to me what am I sposed to do .. LOL .. I shrugged!!

 

Shame her school doesnt have a truant officer, he could be quite handy at times when she cant do her hair .. she found her brush this morning??

 

Thanks for the update .. I have been concerned about you.  Damned bugger teens!!

LOL lovelee.....if Ashton hopped out her window at night she would break her neck as her window is about 2 1/2 stories up.  The hairbrush turned up in the most obvious place at about 3.30pm yesterday...so I am guessing she hid it.

 

I am not letting anything she does get to me this year like I did last year.  Have been ignoring the bad language/behaviour but then you get accused of not being interested and you don't love her.  Damned if you do and damned if you don't....you can't win.

 

Thats a good thing then

Maybe you need to let her know that if she gets excluded from her current school, that most Wgtn schools are zoned and the school she wants to go to will say no to enrolling her.  Her only option after that will be Porirua College  - Porirua isn't zoned.

 

Does she really want to go to a school where the caretakers dog cocks its leg.... inside the buildings? (it did that in front of my manager when she was visiting).

 

I would also think Porirua College is an Emo free school!

 

 

And well done to Tyler.  That trade is in so much demand - he'll be headhunted by big companies once he gets his quals.

tyler sounds like some one i know, he also went into construction and loved it. i hope ya son enjoys it as much as he did .