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General : Advice... again
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 Message 1 of 7 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknameßeaker  (Original Message)Sent: 12/5/2008 9:28 AM
We have a girl at work, who's life is basically a real mess at the moment and she's not doing herself any favours.  She's bounced from one bad relationship to another - where she ends up being treated badly.  She has lately been picking up guys off Facebook, takes them home - screws them and then gets all upset when they don't want a long term committment.
 
What put me off her was she crashed into another car while drunk - several months ago.  She still has an alcohol issue is forever in debt and is basically an attention seeking hypochondriac.  She annoys the crap out of me and most of our colleagues and sadly is the butt of many a joke in the office.
 
But... she has an 11 year old (who was in the car accident with her and meets all the "new" men in his mum's life).  He is a nice quiet kid.  A few behaviour issues, but with his life so far - I'm not surprised.  His father has washed his hands of him, he gets pawned off to others when his mother needs "time to herself" and has a mother who treats him more like a peer than a son.
 
Today she was showing off the christmas presents she'd bought her son.  A few items from the Two Dollar shop.  I told Mr B tonight that I want to buy this boy something.  Despite my feelings for his mum, no child should have a stink christmas, where the mother spends more on cigarettes and alcohol daily then his entire Christmas present.
 
I still remember a few years ago a lovely person on this board sent my children Christmas presents when Mr B and I were having a real hard time with money.  Now we're back on our feet, I want to help some other child who needs a good Christmas.
 
My biggest issue is, what do you get an 11 year old boy?  I said to Mr B that maybe book vouchers, but as Mr B pointed out, she'd probably use them herself.
 
And what should I do with the present.  Find out her address and drop it off when she's not there, or leave it on her desk with instructions it is for X-mas day.


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 Message 2 of 7 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamekarey64Sent: 12/5/2008 8:02 PM
Unless you can come up with a plausible reason why you would be buying her son a present that isn't the truth, I'd steer clear of handing it to her.  You will wind up getting burned. 
 
I fully understand your reasoning, but you have to think of both her pride and his. 
 
A secret Santa type delivery would be your best bet - dropped on the doorstep for him to find after school or sent signature required by courier to him specifically.  It's just a matter of ensuring it gets straight to his hands, not hers.

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 Message 3 of 7 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamekarey64Sent: 12/5/2008 8:03 PM
Better yet, get a child to fill out the card (Still secret Santa stuff), but that would imply a kid liked him, rather than anyone was feeling sorry for him.

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 Message 4 of 7 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameMing_the_Merciless3Sent: 12/5/2008 9:41 PM
I dont know how you would go about this - like Karey, I'd steer clear of a direct gift.
An idea would be an invite to a kids xmas party?   

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 Message 5 of 7 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameOswald_BastableSent: 12/6/2008 5:04 AM
That is a real 'no-win' situation

Every time I get put in this space, I ask myself 'What can you do'

The answer that keeps coming back is- try a bit harder to be a better parent yourself...

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 Message 6 of 7 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamepantherrr0Sent: 12/6/2008 11:11 AM
Agree that should probably avoid a direct  gift, perhapes  a  book or  something  adressed  to  him  and  put in his  mail  box,  or  see if his  school  does a chrismass thing taht you could  work through depending if you  want to  take it that  far.
 
doing a quick reread not  sure if  a  book  would be the   best, =P  have to judge if  he  has the attention span, one possible thing is  with the price of   hardware  and components  dropping through the  floor  is that you  can pick up things like small radios that  are decent for really low  prices torchs/ mini led lamps  ect
your in  / near palmy  arnt  you ?   id  be happy to  chip in if  so.  had enough  'stink' birthdays/ xmas  days  to be happy to  help some one else.

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 Message 7 of 7 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameswëëtpëãSent: 12/7/2008 2:22 AM
My advice is to address the parcel to the child and don't deliver it via the mother. A post bag or brown paper wrapper over the xmas paper and in the letterbox would do. Put a card in, you don't have to sign it saying something like this is a mystery gift from someone, hope you enjoy it.
 
Many 11 year old boys are into smelly stuff.
As in Lynx body spray, hair product etc. That is what I have got my 12,11 and almost 10 year old nephews - on the advice of sis and my MIL. As sis put it (her boys were in ear shot of the phone) the younger one likes that sort of thing, the older one needs it. It fitted into my tight gift budget.
 
 

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