Beaker, first off giant big hugs.

Now if you don't mind this is coming from me who has a older child who is very healthy and a younger one who is always getting check out at the hospital.

 

As a parent with a sick child you tend to without knowing you are doing it watch the sick one more than the others. This by no way means the others are less loved but they don't see it that way.  We show both kids the same love and praise as each other.  But if Blake has a big fall we check him out and if Alana does she gets a hug but not as much time as Blake.

 

No matter how much you tell her Caitlin is very worryed about lossing her brother ot doing something to him that might make him end up in hospital. 

 

We decided to do charts for the kids for good behavier maybe do one for her been brave and not crying.  I am going to a child psychology lady to help me understand Alana and her moods(it drives me nuts).  My first 2 weeks I have to do the following:

every single time Alana smiles does as she is asked etc she gets high fives and heaps of praise.  She also gets stickers on a chart and once she has a certain amount can go to the shops and buy something.  If she gets into trouble I am only aloud to tell her off for 15 seconds.  The Psycho(lady) said that kids get told off longer than they get praised.  It is working slowly and I go back to the doc on Friday to get the next step on what to do.

 

Can you have a special day with Caitlin once a month where it is just you and her and you go for a ice cream or something and just talk to her and not mention anyone else in the family.  This might also help.

 

reinforce that her brother is fine and that he will need check ups heaps of times as well will help.

As for winning is best, that is a hard one.  All board games we play we all play to win in our house and funnly Blakes seems to win most games.

You are great parents and she is very much loved.  You see that in photos you have posted.  Maybe seeing someone might help. 

 

I hope I have not rambled on and you get something from my post.  If there is anything I can do please just ask.

big hugs

Tracy

Beaker ... is it self esteem thats her problem?

What triggers it to be that for YOU?

You mention her drawings.  Get her to do one of the family.

Where are the family members?  Close, separated are the animals in the pic?

Blah blah .. Im really wanting to just dig a lil bit more, shes 4-5 ??

Excellent point Ali

You just descibed my Heather. I will admit by the time she was about 7 I got heartly sick of the tears and explained to her that because she was crying over everything I now automaically asumed she was crying over nothing again and that her tears were making me angry rather than willing to help her. That all sounds very harsh but I also made sure she got plenty of praise for acheiving anything or trying not to cry when she got a fright or hit by one of the others (the cuprit always got a quick telling off and ignored).

 

I also tried to give her some control and responsibility over her own life, little things at first like choosing what clothes she wanted and letting her choose which instrament to learn and not forcing her to continue with lessons once she reached the end of the block I had paid for to last year letting her have the rabbit she wanted (Inky) when she proved that she could do most of the care involved by feeding and grooming the cats for 2 months. Something she still does volunterily over a year later.

Along those lines then   Id be thinking of rescue remedy and/or ignatia.

 

Homeopathically speaking.

 

It may be that shes got herself into a habit ??  Is that what yer saying SP ?

Lol Rere, snap --  I had no self-esteem as a kid and I had a weight problem too

 

I'm at a loss as far as the losing at games etc goes, only thing I can suggest is that you take heaps of photos when she's doing well and point out that she may not have won but  "look -- you did this and this" ? Let her choose one or two to send to Nanna

 

As far as the you leaving to find another family thing .. has a friend, family member or even just oneof the kids in her class had a family break-up lately? As the saying goes "little pitchers have big ears" and she may have got half a story somewhere and (with a little imagination) tied it to her own family. For some kids, hearing mum or dad telling the other to piss off (even in jest) is enough.      Just a thought

 

My last thought  - does she spend time with Mr B? When ever Rach had problems, it wasn't me she came to, her Dad was (and still is) the most important person in her life. I couldn't be jealous, it's a real daughter/father thing,

 

Thinking of you all

 

 

 

 

Low self  esteem or really high personal standards?

 

I'm wondering if she has delegated herself to the role of the "perfect child".  SD is the naughty one, Eben is the sick one, Jack ??? and in her sweet little mind she has picked the perfect child for her role.  So when she loses  a game it dents the veneer.  When Eben fell over her she has processed it as "he is small and sick" and consequently taken the guilty party role in the very minor event and again, dented the veneer.  Bed time removes her from your view and therefore she can't be seen forfilling her role. 

 

If it is that, then more praise is actually reinforcing her chosen role.

 

Just throwing the idea out there.

shoot i'm no help, but i would like to offer C and her mummy big loves right now.  wow, aren't kids tricky....  i liked the idea of getting her to draw the family though....