she needs medical help right now.  The cutting along should show her mum that something is so wrong.

What weight is she???

600 dollar dog, wow that money would of payed to help get her help. 

I honestly don't think you talking to her is going to help. 

you could  consider lookoing to see if there is any of those  youth helath camps  she  could  go to.

try to  make her parents understand  she needs to eat better ( though  you have probably done this)

find some really disguating  pictures of  drunk people, medical reports  to  get her thinking may help.

 

it seems to me that she has a problem  and while the parents  may love her,  throwing money at the  problem wont  always  fix it. with out making her parents understand you will have a tough time  helpingthe poor girl

Ashton went through a phase of cutting herself.  I was upset about it.  She did this due to low self-esteem and hating her body shape.  She is a bit overweight but we both go out walking and eating healthily together.  For her self-esteem she has been doing karate classes for the last few weeks which she is really enjoying as it is also teaching her about self-defence, etc.  Ash is also taking up volleyball at school this year.  Giving a kid a $600 dog is going to do nothing for her self-esteem....seems to me it is just sweeping the issue under the carpet.

 

15 years old is such a difficult stage as there is a lot of peer pressure out there.

Bomumma the cutting is self harm!!  Its an alert that something serious is wrong.

You should be thinking about some form of intervention, I would be starting at her family doctor or your family GP. 

Take care you parents, your kids are more precious than you realise.  And even though you think you have a raport with them, there is more they will tell their froends than they will tell you.

thanks all.  there was an 'intervention' staged yesterday, i was unable to go as couldn't find a sitter for eeva at such short notice, but it came out that she just feels like a worthless blob, and that she feels uncomfortable around me and a couple of other relatives as we are always talking about diets / clothes / how good we look etc.  sigh.  anyway, we are all having a family picnic on sunday....... try to get some love back in her life.

I am not a small person and my sister is always saying hurtfull things to me and not trying to think before she opens her mouth,  she is a total cow about it.

 

She herself has not been to the dentist for nearly 30 year and her breath always smells and I have tryed to say nice things to her about it and she always says you can talk you are fat.

 

 

When it comes to teens they pick up everything even if you have no idea what you say is hurting them.  Remember also she might just be using you as a excuss because she does not know why she is like she is.

 

Bo I only know you on her but I would put money on it that you would not hurt her at all.  Take care yourself and I hope the picnic goes well.

 

By the by, how is our lovely little girl, must be due for a new photo.

Geeze Bo - any kid that will cut is hurting. For getting Downsize Me in - your sister should be strung up! Sorry but  ANY kid doesn't need that sort of notoriety, but with overweight kids, it can make the problem so much worse (who needs the kids at school mentally checking to see if you've gained/lost weight)

 

 

Do you ever talk to her about any of  her interests (sports, books, movies even boys/social life) Perhaps she feels like you are all "perfect" and she has nothing to offer. Maybe spend some time with her - don't even mention her weight- and without making it obvious, take a walk, eat healthy and see how it goes.

Oh yay, Down Size me to help with self esteem?  For a teenager??? OMG, I can't even begin to count the number of no-no's that has.  You would think a show like that would have a psychologist to assess the impact a show like that would have a person let alone a child.

 

Bo, I think there might be something more deep down than low self esteem amoung relatives - but the mind of a 15 y/o they might think it would sound stupid to say it.  How is she going at school?... is she going to school?

 

No amount of present showering helps with esteem, when will parents learn that?

thanks guys.

 

re Downsize Me, that is what we said when we were told they were going on it, but nooooooooobody listened.  hey, she DID lose the weight, but didn't last long.

 

anyway, long story short.... the family picnic went well.  Niece and Sister both turned up positive, looking like they had made an effort with their clothes, which you could just tell made them both feel alot better.

 

I gave Niece the task of sunblocking Eeva, which she took great care with.  After lunch Niece and Eeva went off to the sandpit / play area and she absolutely loved it.  (both girls did!).  Then we asked Niece if she was going for a swim, she said nahhhhhh, until i said, "that's a shame, Eeva would have loved you taking her in the pool", next thing she is inside borrowing a pair of shorts so she could swim!

 

It was a lovely day, very warm & fuzzy.

Thats very nice of you Bo

UPDATE;  Have asked niece to come for a few days next week to do some nannying / light housework for some $$.  She is going to work here during the day, then go stay with my mum (5 minutes away) at night.

 

The break from home will do her good, so will earning her own money!  I just have to hide the alcohol.  I am not actually going to leave her alone with Eeva while i go out, apart from me being in the office which is about 20 metres from the house. 

 

When I have to go out, (bank, gym, shopping, etc) they will both come with me, but Niece will just be there to look after Eeva.

 

Sensible??  My sister is rapt at the idea, my gut feeling is that Niece won't do any silly things when she is around me, but I will keep a close eye on her.  She is a nice girl and I think that this might give her a boost.

 

Do any of you well seasoned mums have any other suggestions?

I think you are doing brilliantly bo.  Nothing like a bit of responsibility, with money attached to improve self-esteem and self-value.    You are showing her that even though she is cutting, and you are aware of it, you trust her.  That alone will be worth more than all the tea in China to her.

Thanks Karey, I am slightly nervy about the trust, but my gut feeling is that she will be ok with Eeva.  Mr Bomumma is fine with it too, but has given strict instructions that I am not to go out, leaving her at home with Eeva.  Fair Enough!!

 

Thanks for your input everybody on this, it isn't an easy thing to discuss but it's great to know i can dish all the dirt in here and get honest responses.

 

love you guys.

Just have a natter about any groups she hangs with Bo.  These days as well as skaties, surfies, rappers, goths and the various gangster shit, there are also emos.  They are a clique just like the others but the emo means emotional.  Like any loose fitting group they get a kind of respect from their peers from cutting being screwed up etc.  Didnt know anything about them til my son had a bleat about how many at school last year turned emo!!!!  Just a thought. It sounds like she is really lucky to have an Auntie who cares so much.