I. Scouting Report
For the last couple weeks, the face of Pro Wrestling Today has been changing. It hasn’t been the most pleasant change, but something that was really needed. The faces of old in PWT really hadn’t seen much of the light of day, and when they were, quite frankly, it got boring. During Banch Morgan’s first few weeks in the promotion, he was written off as a nobody. That’s fine. A win over Carlos Mitchell wasn’t exactly something to be proud of, but atleast it was something to work off of. After that win, Banch found himself in the mainstream, he found himself on television, facing superstars that many would say, to be contenders to an extent. Still, little respect was given. Sometimes, to make a name for yourself, you need to break away from the conventional, maybe even do something you won’t be proud of later on, but you know it’s for the good of the business. It took Frank Mason’s acting skills to get Banch’s name across as somebody who was angry at the world for being mistreated. It was upsetting for somebody like Banch to suffer a loss when he did, but worse off, it was the first time in his career, when he walked backstage, the so called “great veterans�?refused to even acknowledge him.
Was it necessary? Of course to them, they found it to be a write of passage, as they must have been treated like garbage when they were starting out. That’s the irony of it all though, Banch wasn’t just starting out. His career began a little while back, and he worked his way up. Hard work, and dedication is what brought him to that level, not something as cheesy as a guaranteed push once PWT had reopened. For the first time in his own mind, Banch is entering Shockwave next week, as the true underdog. There’s no sequel here, not even a major attempt to hype this bad boy up, quite frankly, the card simply states..
Banch Morgan vs. Drew Stevenson
It’s sitting right underneath the main event, and for those of you who claim to know the business, but truth be told, know nothing about it, that match is actually called, the “Downer�? It’s the match that paves the way for the main event, dies the crowd down a little bit, so the Main Event be absolutely through the roof. It can be the hottest main event in world, only as a result of the Downer doing it’s job. Somewhere in America, maybe in the World, fans want to see Brandon Marks and Seifer go at it, but quite frankly, that match is just afterbirth. People will pay good money to see something like a Drew Stevenson/Banch Morgan contest, and to those who disagree, who cares what you think?
Every match of this caliber has a sense of urgency from each superstar, to train, say their prayers, eat their vitamins, and believe in the Hulk Hogan way. It wasn’t until the match was booked, that Banch, himself, actually thought he’d be in this kind of environment. Marcus Payton was initially the man selected to face Stevenson on Shockwave, that’s another thing you don’t know.. Then again, what you don’t know, could fill the grand canyon, and then some.
Training, okay, training for this match is going to be interesting. When you look at it on paper.. It has an interesting quirk to it.
The two are actually nothing alike. We tried to do a diagnostic here, and quite frankly, since a report on Drew Stevenson could not be found, we had to go off of what we were told.
In terms of Size, Banch Morgan has something really gifted about him. At a staggering 6�?�?tall, and a godly weight of 247lbs, Banch is considered to be the perfect mixture of size, and speed. He isn’t short, he isn’t skinny, he isn’t overly tall, he isn’t fat. Pretty sweet deal there. Stevenson on the other hand, according to reports here, is an incredible 5�?�? and a staggering 415lbs. That’s really something to look out for there. The guy has a build of an assistant manager at McDonalds, and has the athleticism of a kumquat. Being an athlete in wrestling should be objective #1, but for some reason, despite the size, Stevenson has found himself in the main event picture. Something must have drawn him to the top, let’s see what else we have in the report here.
Experience, now this is interesting. Did you know that Banch Morgan was an Olympic basketball player? He didn’t do so well, but he had a bad team around him. You can score 100 points on your own, but if the other team scores 101, you still lose. Enough about basketball, what is it about Drew Stevenson’s experience in pro wrestling? According to this report, Stevenson came out of a cannery in San Francisco, CA. He was trained in part by the legendary Jim Powers. Remember him? Yeah, me neither. Interesting story behind it though, Jim Powers found Stevenson at a replicated Blue Oyster Bar. Where does that name sound so familiar? This must be wasting your time, “ya’ll�? Regardless, that bar seemed to have had something special, except for the occasional “Tom Brandi�?nights, Stevenson knew he had a passion for the game. After many failed attempts at getting a break in the real sport of pro wrestling, he found himself migrating from coast to coast, sometimes being mistaken for Mike Levy. This did find him an opportunity though, which he took, and he has been riding the coattails ever since. Now, onto Banch. He found himself leaving the game of basketball, and met up with a fellow Olympian, and the two got trained at a hard knocks school in the Windy City, of Chicago, IL. Right off the bat, Banch was destined. He was the man that everything just clicked with, and for good reason to, he had what everybody wanted. Still does, to this day. Banch’s experience with titles, not so much, what is a title anyways? A belt is only as important as what you make it to be. As the PWT Amerikan Elite Champion, the holder of the title means more than anything else. So, experience, goes to Banch Morgan, for being less visually disgusting.
Power, in Wrestling, you need something more than just.. Talking tough, you need to actually be able to throw your opponent down and pin the idiot to the canvas. There is no doubt that Drew Stevenson went through incredible power training in his epic career. From his days at the hard nosed “Bubba’s Boneyard�?gym, where he would do squats with Bubba working him over from behind, Stevenson learned how to multi-task, very impressive. Also in his power repertoire, is the insane ability to lift up a car when needed. Considering it was a Hot Wheels little toy car, some would say, big deal, it’s just a little freakin�?car. True experts disagree.
“Does anybody really understand the physics of lifting up a toy car? I don’t think you do. You have to crouch down, and lift with your legs, and hope that you don’t pop a hernia when that bad boy is lifted.�?BR>- Dr. Bob Wehadababyitsaboy (Banch Morgan in disguise)
“It’s a Hot Wheels car, it’s not like picking up an ant or anything.�?BR>- Arnie the Ant Eater (Lionheart in disguise)
“Dude, it’s a fucking Hot Wheels car!!�?BR>- Britt L.
There you have it. Experts are conflicting here on just what it means to be able to utilize the difficult workout tenure that Drew Stevenson has used in order to get to where he is today. On the other side of the ball, however. Banch Morgan has taken a different road to build up the power that he has. At one point, Banch was a praying man. He kneeled before the altar and simply wished that one day, he could become strong. The gates of Heaven opened and down with a bright light, came God himself. God put his hand on Banch’s shoulder, and quickly proclaimed that he would give Banch Morgan, the power of the Gods�?Well, technical God considering according to him, he was the only one. Buddha could not be reached for comment.
Speed, This is actually where it gets close. The sensational speed of animals and humans alike have been documented through the entire tenure of human and animal civilization. Whether you’re a Cheetah, or a Snail, you have something to you that makes you just who you are. Drew Stevenson is no slouch, or a snail. He has recorded record times and speed throughout his illustrious career. Columnist Ian Antonio of Buffet Weekly, stated that Drew Stevenson, to this day, holds the record of the fasted seat to buffet line speed in recent history. When Stevenson has the means to move, the boy will move. However we did contact Mr. Stevenson’s High School track coach, who had this to say.
“Stevenson? OH GOD. You see what this is, it’s a stop watch. For the 100 meter dash, I had to break out a calender when it came to Drew Stevenson’s time! At one point, we had to excuse him from class early so he could make his way to practice. By the time he arrived, dressed, and came out, practice was usually over with. I think he has a small neurological disorder.. They call it “Schmittitis�? It’s where your bowels move through the blood stream, and into your brain. So, I don’t want to comment on Drew Stevenson as an athlete, hell I’m surprised he’s alive yet!�?BR>- Coach Arnie “Big�?Weiner (Marcus Payton in disguise)
Now you know, Stevenson was a stud in high school, enough of a stud to break numerous records. On the other side of the coin however, is Banch Morgan. During his hey day in high school, college, and on the OLYMPIC basketball court, Banch was known as the jack of all trades. Nobody had a quicker first step than Morgan on the floor. He ran brilliantly during the games, and kept his opponents off guard for the majority of the game. When he broke into wrestling, he was quickly regarded as “The Flash�? with his incredible speeds while hitting the ropes, some compared him to Masato Yoshino. Due to some injuries to the knee though, most recently an PCL and MCL tear in February, Banch has learned to use other skills, rather than just being faster than the rest.
Technical, Who has better technique than Drew Stevenson? The guy comes from the most technically savvy family ever. Drew’s father, Walt Stevenson, has the ultimate set of tools. He can fix a TV, he can fix a car, he can fix his son’s track meets, he’s just the best technician ever. And his mother.. What a sweet lady, she was so technically sound, she knew all the “Tricks.�?They called her “Downtown�?Debra Stevenson., she knew all the tricks. Whether you wanted a knob job, an Iranian Subway, a Barracuda, or even her personal favorite, the Dumb Son Delight, she would give it all she has, for a nominal fee of course. Apparently now though, her days are numbered, and she had ridden the gravy train to Hepatitisville. That’s okay though, it just shows that Drew Stevenson came from a luxurious life, learning all the crafts. In a recent speech given at the Gay and Lesbian Alliance meeting, Stevenson’s father announced that he gave all he could to his son, and despite the fact that the young man has pretty much every genetically thrown STD in his system, and all these other problems, he is proud that his son main evented Hardcore Hell. He lost, but still, he got there. Round of applause, not a dry eye in the building, considering nobody really stayed in the building after the hot dog’s arrived, without the buns. Didn’t catch the pun? Shame on you.
Enough about Dimwitted Drew though, about Banch Morgan. Banch learned from a pretty early age how to be strategic. When he was in pre-school, yeah he knew how to spell and all that. He even cursed out his teacher with building blocks. That is smarts. Every sport he played, every accolade he received, he earned. He has always found ways to outsmart people, and outwork people. Hardcore Hell, at least somebody in this match won on PPV, Banch found himself in a match that he had no business being in. He’s not hardcore, he doesn’t grab chairs and hit people with them, or throw people through tables. Hell, he doesn’t even hit people with shovels, but he found a way to win, by for that one night, becoming something he isn’t, a brain-dead idiot who likes use to weapons in order to win. Winning in the ring with wrestling holds and outsmarting your opponent is where the money is. That’s why the PWT Backyard Championship is NO MORE. NO MORE. Becca Whipwreck can say all she wants, the title is dead, and the PWT Amerikan Elite Championship is where it’s at. That’s what the elite stars use, not weapons, not steroids, not cocaine, or crack, or meth, or Summer Stratus, the real stars can wrestle.
Endurance, now this is where it gets more serious. Drew Stevenson has been in the ring with many top stars.. So has Dusty Rhodes.. And John Tenta, and Yokozuna, and pretty much every other fat ass in the business today. Endurance, according to the report, has never been the strong suit of Mr. Stevenson. To get the full basis of just what’s its like to be Drew Stevenson in endurance, we did a little research, and found his first sexual encounter was with a beautiful, gigantic gal they call “One Legged Wanda�? Deuce Bigelow eat your heart out.
“Oh it was great. Drew was such a sweetheart, I remember the first time.. Well, the only time we actually did the dirty, he was so excited. By the time I worked his clothes off, it was probably cold in the room.. But despite him shaking and crying, he was so gentle. Those were the greatest 8 seconds of my life! Drew Stevenson.. CALL ME.�?BR>- “One Legged Wanda�?(Mikah in disguise)
Not bad, considering Wanda has her own issues, she still wants to ride what she called “the eraser less pencil�? Now, onto someone better, Banch Morgan. You see, unlike Drew Stevenson, Banch Morgan is an actual sportsman, he doesn’t settle for three minutes walking on a treadmill.. No, he runs on the damn thing, going up hill, 20 minutes, full speed, that’s a sportsman. On top of that, throughout his incredible basketball career, Banch averaged more minutes than anybody, most teams combined almost. That’s just how freakin�?good he is. Due to injuries obviously he doesn’t do as much, and in the ring, he doesn’t have to wrestle 50 minutes usually, considering most of his opponents are broken down within 5, why waste all the effort? Regardless of all that, Banch Morgan is capable stunning the world, as only he can. It will probably help him out though, soon enough, to get back in the gym, and train.
Momentum, yes, it’s three syllables you thought you’d never with Drew Stevenson. The guy has been a loser, mainly for his whole career, but times do change, and apparently he might be developing some momentum here. After losing to Seifer, we haven’t really heard from Drew. Maybe he has other tasks in mind. Those objectives could be something like, running a marathon.. Well, that requires running, and we all know that won’t happen. Hosting an awards show? That would probably require the ability to correctly speak English, and despite being a pure blooded American, his intellect is way off, so we can write off that one. Well damn, what the hell has he been doing? Throwing dog poop around in locker rooms? And setting it on fire? Why in the living hell would somebody handle dog feces? Like intentionally handle dog shit.. If that is what you call momentum, then Banch Morgan has that battle won too. Not only did Banch win at the Pay Per View, Banch has always been making the biggest headlines in PWT history.
Needless to say, you can look at it from all aspects. Many people are expecting Drew Stevenson to walk into Shockwave, held as always, at the Angel Arena in Grand Rapids.. People are expecting a blow out, they are expecting something to the liking of the “Redeem Team�?after those boys lost in Athens. People have already written off Banch Morgan a liable contender in PWT, and why is that? You’ve had 2 main eventers lately, and both of them, while good, can’t seem to get the mojo going. They’d rather sit back, and talk about Dragon Ball Z than get it done in the ring. Is that really something that is SO much better than a good, traditional wrestling superstar? Many would say yes, but this isn’t about them. This is about simply the fact that the Elite Republic has been on a tear. They have been winning matches left and right, and it’ll continue going into Shockwave this upcoming week. Regardless of how many times the Republic has been to the Angel Arena, the reception has always been the same, about respect, and them not getting any. Shockwave coming up has something more important at stake than a title, it is TRUE respect. It’s about Admiration and understanding that on any given day, a guy like Banch Morgan, who hasn’t received his break, has to create one for himself, making a guy like Drew Stevenson seem nearly obsolete. There is a question that everybody in the Elite Republic is wanting to know.. When Banch Morgan stuns the wrestling world, defeating Drew Stevenson, and throwing him down the shitter, will it be enough? Only you, the wrestling fans, millions strong, can answer that question. The Republic will be respected.
II. Living in a Dream World
The world has become so negative, that a change in scenery is considered to be absolutely beautiful. The darkness had become so bright. Stormy clouds and rain replaced by rays of sun, and a couple gentle clouds giving their affection to the world. Fields below were just that, living in it’s pure green delight. It was an old style of living, with a typical small, white farm house, picket fences, and that incredible creaking old swing, that many would sit on, and reminisce about the times where good things happened to good people, and where our time has gone. I knew what it was, it wasn’t real. It wasn’t even a flash back to the times when I was younger, but it was a time, that I wanted to have. I wanted, growing up, to have a life like this one day, with my special love, sitting on that swing and looking at the beautiful skies. Coming from Windsor, and Detroit, I never really experienced it.
A loud bark caught my attention as I found myself in the middle of the field. The standard Sheep dog trounced his way through the field to me. I wasn’t in PWT anymore. Finding myself crouched down to pet the dog below me, the winds just felt so peaceful. The simple smell of the wheat field, and the trees from the distance, I found myself in a new world, a world of hope, and simplicity. I don’t want to go back, I told myself. Standing up, away from the dog, there were no monsters, no dislike.. No greed. It was simply, the world, and me. Walking through the field, I heard the bells ring in my head. This wasn’t right, something is disturbing my life! What can possibly be important enough to catch my interest while I’m at peace? The bells soon stopped, and I knew all was back to normal.
There were no animals to feed, aside from the dog, that I hadn’t even named yet. There was no lawn work to do, and no food to cook. This felt very odd to me. In a lot of instances, I found myself unable to even function properly. When I walked, it felt like I was in a dazed trance. My arms only moved at certain times, and I could only see certain things, when it was permitted. This great time I was having, became suddenly difficult. I tried to make my way back, however reality was beginning to kick in. This wasn’t indeed Green Acres, it was a land I would never see again. It wasn’t panic, but frustration as I felt distant. Looking through the sky, I envisioned something brand new, the once pristine clouds became darkened, and the sun light melted away. I was no longer welcome.
The bells returned with heavy fire, and I immediate sought for help. My ability to run had popped in and out at random times, the vision was no longer there. It felt like a tornado almost. This peace I had, became nothing more than an insolent regret. I found cover against the wall of the farm house, and watched the dog. He looked as if he didn’t even know what was going on, but the eyes were on me. All eyes, were on me. No longer was the dream of tip toeing through tulips even plausible, they became something worse, almost, something impossible. Bells returning with fire behind them, they were louder, and stronger, and I could hear a voice up ahead of me.
“Come on.. It’s Time.�?BR>
The voice was so loud, and the bells fired at me with hellacious intent. Something was seriously wrong. I took one last glance at my formerly peaceful surroundings, and a final glance at the dog, who flew up into the sky. At any other time I’d say “what the hell was that?!�? but this time it didn’t even trigger. I was being called..
Sitting down against the house, I was accepting my fate. Reality told me that next week, I will find myself inside of a ring, and it kept popping in my mind, the nightmares, and anguish. I knew it was coming, and coming too soon. Sweat was trickling down my face as I moved my hands to the ground in order to get into a standing position. Reality wanted me, and it was calling, louder and louder. The bells grew at its loudest. Louder than standing next to a jet, it actually echoed. Those echoes were going through me like bullets, and it was time.
“I don’t have all day.. Come on.�?BR>
Finally the bells were too much for me, and I collapsed to the ground. Looking around, I saw nothing but disgrace. Fires growing in the field, the house that I once sat next to, was spinning in the air. This is what fear tastes like? It gave more a cotton mouth feeling than anything else. As I looked up at the sky, I saw the sun once again emerge.. As it descended. They say it in a story, the sky was falling. Stars dropping around me, shattering constantly, I could feel it. The sun finally came within inches of me, and all vision I once had, dissolved. Only blind light and a burning sensation remained, and I knew it was time. The bells sounded more time, like aching sirens�?BR>
“WAKE THE HELL UP ALREADY!�?BR>
My eyes peered open, as the bells were still sounding. Blinking a couple times, I sat myself up before glancing at the alarm clock. It was time to go to work. My hand slammed on the clock, causing it to stop. Looking in front of me was my Advisor, Charity Skye. She knew what I needed to do, and I needed to take the business more seriously. My shoulders and neck were stiff as I climbed out of bed, and looked at Charity.
::Charity Skye::
Don’t you ever wear pajamas?
I was indeed the President of the Elite Republic, but there is no law saying I needed to wear pajamas! Drew Stevenson was an opponent next week, but I needed to be ready, NOW.
III. For Training Purposes Only
It wasn’t prior knowledge on my behalf, but I found out that Miss Charity Skye was the one who set the alarm for me. Secretly, I had to admit, she had a nice little body on her. The dream was so weird though, it was like, I finally had something to be peaceful over, and it was taken away from me before I was ready to hand it over. Charity, myself, and some unusual looking fellow were all sitting in a pretty broad room, with a whiteboard that had a spreadsheet kind of feel to it. I saw dates, times, and my name on it! This could be pretty exciting.
::Charity Skye::
Banch, I know you’ve done a really good job, leading the Republic to victory as of late. We swept Shockwave last week, and I have all confidence that we will do it again. However, you understand that you’re not facing Javen again, right? You actually have an opponent who has something to gain by winning. He has lost his matches lately, but Drew Stevenson is a trained machine.
Funny, I thought he was a trained chimp. Either way, she was making some sense, maybe she is right though that he is going to be coming for blood. Blood is something I have plenty of though, I probably won’t lose any, regardless. After all, I lost enough getting a freakin�?shovel branded on my forehead by that bitch, Javen.
::Charity Skye::
So, right now, Banch, I’m turning the floor over to YOUR new trainer for this match.
�?I>What happened to my old trainer?�?BR>
::Charity Skye::
Banch, drinking buddies are not considered trainers.
Maybe not. My trainers weren’t that bad though, they always had a good time, and so did I. Although the last time was a little sketchy.. He told me that if you drink before the match, you’ll be able to fly.. Yeah.. I lost to Xavier Homicide because of that grand advice. Regardless, I don’t think too many changes are needed. It’s not like Javen threw his match with me at Hardcore Hell, Christ sake, I WON! So when this new trainer guy came over, and stood next to the white board, I knew I was FUCKED. He grabbed that sharpie and went right to work, writing all these exercises and fun activities, it felt like high school all over again. I was half awake, barely wore any clothes, and had people taking my authority away! JUST LIKE SCHOOL. Regardless, I couldn’t help but look at the interesting schedule that he set up for me. Some of these activities ranged from.. Well fuck it, I’m not telling you, I’ll let him do it.
::Coach Frank Barone::
Frank Barone here, NO RELATION to the TV show guy!
Thank God for that.. Peter Boyle is dead.
::Coach Frank Barone::
When you get into that ring on Shockwave, I want two thoughts going into your mind!!
Damn, I’m hungry, and when’s this guy gonna write “Lunch Time�?on the schedule? Okay, those two thoughts probably aren’t what he’s about to say.
::Coach Frank Barone::
You are going to think, “Drew Stevenson who?�?You’re going to take that Stevenson guy, and drive him straight through the mat, and also, you are going to think, that for one night only, you are no longer Banch Morgan, but a Modern Day Killing Machine!! Do you understand?
�?I>Yeah, about that, I don’t have to actually kill him, do I?�?BR>
::Coach Frank Barone::
Yes.. Yes YOU DO!!! On your new schedule is this.. You will be sprinting up hill, you will be in the gym every single day until your match, you will be breaking your balls inside of that ring, you will be learning new styles of wrestling, and you will certainly be learning to eat a piece of humble pie!!! Understand?
�?I>To be honest, I never had Humble Pie, is it good?�?BR>
Uh oh.. Okay when you see a big ol vein popping out of somebody’s neck, that isn’t a good thing. He actually kinda looked like Mr. Buzzkill from Beavis and Butthead, or Buzzcut I think it’s called. Either way, he looks pretty wicked. I was actually hoping when he wrote his name on the board, that it wasn’t like Frank Barone, but a nicer TV character, like Mr. Rogers or Mike from Saved By The Bell, the College Years, atleast he had a heart.
::Coach Frank Barone::
Oh you’ll taste it, and you’ll hate it.
All this talk about food, made me want to get something to eat. On no part of that schedule did it say Lunch Time.. Seriously, who the hell is going to take themselves SO seriously that we can’t eat. I’m supposed to be training for a match with Drew Stevenson, whom I’m sure is sleeping right now, and when he wakes up, he’s eating!! What the hell is going on here?! I simply couldn’t react correctly in his eyes, so I just ran my hand through my hair before trying to sneak Charity over to get her to buy me something to eat. Barone would have none of it!
::Coach Frank Barone::
What are you doing?
�?I>I’m the President of the Elite Republic, you turd.�?BR>
::Coach Frank Barone::
I don’t care if you’re the mayor of Turdtown, you are going to go out there, and train your ass off, I will tell you when to eat. I will tell you when to sleep, I will tell you when you go to the bathroom.
He’s good, no doubt. Even I can’t tell a lot of the times when I’m going to go to the bathroom. I mean sometimes you go there and sit for a moment, and rea.. Okay too much information there, regardless, I’m supposed to have confidence, how can I be confident when he took away my sleeping time? Charity Skye is a deaaaad girl. Not really, but I will file a small grievance.
I was motioned to my feet by the Coach, and as Barone pointed to the board, I knew it was time to hit the gym. Needless to say, I’m praying to God and Buddha and Bob Hope that I can sneak in a twinkie or two or maybe a Hoagie, or better yet, two hoagies. It’s going to be a long week.
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