"Thank you”,
Once again l heard myself saying “thank you”, but for what?, it was just another comment made to keep sound moving.,somehow silence is oppressive, As if it would make any difference to how the world was spinning, and yet it made me feel part of a world that was normal, or as normal as it could ever be again, How can anyone so alone have so many people careering around, acting so normally, and what is normal? Is it how l feel? Or how they are acting?”Have a cup of tea” “ no thank you,”have a brandy”No thank you” its somehow, surreal.
“what would you like for breakfast” how do you answer a question like that?How can you say you don’t ever want to eat again!!!! When they have your best interest at heart, How can you say l want to go home when people are being kind enough to offer you a bed for as long as you need? How do you get through to them that you need to get home where everything is normal and solid and where you belong. This is like being kidnapped by good friends and family who have no idea that at this moment you need to be alone with your thoughts, however much you love them and they love you, you want to say l don’t want to be here, l need to be at home where l belong, Its teatime and the sandwiches need to be made, just as we like them not too much butter and not too skimpy with the filling. A nice cake to end with perhaps a French fancy with icing, Dinner to think of, what can l cook to tempt the appetite? no more new potatoes, shame that season has ended..nice piece of boiled bacon and salad, with a few jersey new potatoes always went down a treat. But not now,
The phone is ringing, l don’t want to answer it, lm comfortable, but if l don’t answer the world and his wife will be on my doorstep, so l pick up and hear "how are you?" " Why didn’t you pick up sooner l was worried about you,,?" so l cough and splutter “sorry lm Ok”, but lm not, and never will be again, then l realise this is my life from now on, do l want it ? no l don’t. l am now in the position of being alone, never again will people say how’sAlex?, his name wont be mentioned for fear of upsetting me, when all l want to do is talk about him endlessly how strong he was and how handsome and how happy he made me, and hopefully how happy he was too.
But for now l have to remember him, in all the ways I can, the swirl of his kilt as he walked down the path, the flash of pride in his Scottish roots, as he always said" lm Scottish and proud of it," but best of all He was mine by choice and by love.so thank you.
Free Forum Hosting
Important Announcement
First 