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| | From:  proteuskat1 (Original Message) | Sent: 1/26/2008 1:02 AM |
Disclaimer: I have posted this on other boards and it has a few inside jokes that not everyone will get, but I thought I would share.
It started during a thunderstorm. The power had gone out, but somehow the TV turned on by itself and Howie Mandel was announcing that viewers voted this the worst thunderstorm ever. Just as I was saying to myself "what an odd poll!", my house lifted into the air spinning faster than Mozart trying to evict herself by chasing her tail. I was trying to regain my balance when 4 or 5 porcelain meerkats that I didn't know I had crashed into my forehead and knocked me unconscious.
When I awoke, the storm was gone and everything was strangely quiet. I walked out of the door and saw a virtual sea of meerkats. They started cheering me and calling me Dominant Male for life. Before I could figure out what they meant, I noticed this odd little bubble coming nearer and nearer to me. The bubble popped and standing in front of me was Mozart holding a wand and dressed in pink chiffon! She apologized for the dress with some story about the wardrobe budget on MM and then explained to me that my house had landed on and killed the Wicked Puff Adder of the North. Things started to get weird at that point. Mozart was saying something about rubbing my butt on each meerkat while two human women in khaki shorts were trying to lure me into a Tupperware bowl with a piece of egg! I told Mozart that I appreciated everything, but I just wanted to get back to GA. She told me that the only way for me to get home would be to visit the “Whisker of Oz�? “Where is this Whisker of Oz?�?I asked. She told me to follow the scent marked trail. “so that's what that smell is!�? I replied.
I won't bore you with all of the details, but I did pick up some friends on the way. I met a Meerkat that was sure his life would be perfect if he only had claws. Another wanted his left eye back so he wouldn't keep bumping his head on the borough entrance. Yet another wanted to get some good make-up to cover the scar over his eye so that he could have more success roving. There were millipede trees that tried to grab us, an evil cobra witch who had an army of flying ground squirrels and no matter how mad I got, nobody would stop singing!
Well, we finally made it to the most elaborate and impossibly huge borough I have ever seen. I knocked at the entrance and almost immediately, who should appear but Flower. She was extremely pregnant and her radio collar was made of gold on a pearl choker. As soon as she appeared, the one-eyed meerkat started to growl. I told him to shut up. He gave me a look that said “I'll let you get away with that this time, but next time, it's your @#*!�?I looked back and noticed the meerkat with the scar was sucking in his stomach, sticking out his chest and winking at Flower. The guy with no claws was already inside trying to do hand puppets on the wall, but they all looked like Mickey Mouse ears. He told me that that was what he was trying to do and I felt embarrassed. Flower told us to wait where we were and she will get the Whisker for us.
After a long wait made tolerable by hand puppets and one-eye doing his Johnny Depp impersonation, a large screen flickered to life with this fuzzy image on it. At one point it looked human, at another it looked like a meerkat. It was giving us this sob story about being too busy to help us and how it had more important things to do than fix our little problems. As this image was speaking to us, I sneaked around the side and through a small space in between the curtains, I saw two meerkat paws working the controls and caught a glimpse of a golden radio collar! Incensed, I walked over and threw the curtains back and yelled, “Aha! I caught you, Flow.......!�?It was a meerkat body, but what made me too shocked to finish my sentence was the sight of a meerkat costume head sitting in a chair and the realization that the stunned face I was looking at was none other than Pronker! My mind was reeling, I tried to make sense of it. I thought to myself, “Well, I've never seen Flower and Pronker in the same place at the same time. Is it possible.........NO!�?Pronker acquiesced and looked at me with a look, part sympathy, part empathy and all understanding. I couldn't speak at first, then, in a shaky voice, I stammered “B....But I thought Flower was.......uh.�?“Of course she's not�? Pronker mercifully interrupted. “Her spirit is here, with me. She taught her family all that she could, and now, through me, she will teach all of us.�?I started crying, not like I cried when I thought she died, but crying at the fantastic relief to know that she lives on in the hundreds of meerkats that benefited from knowing her and the thousands of people that will now learn about them through her spirit.
Several quarts of tears and many hugs later, I remembered why the four of us were there in the first place. I asked if there was any advice she could give us. Her eyes lit up and she said “wait here!�?BR>
“Dude, I get it, it's Mickey Mouse! Give it a rest! And you, Captain Hook, put an eye patch on, you're creeping me out! And you, one more Al Paccino impersonation and I'm......here she comes!�?BR>
I don't know what I expected her to return with, but it wasn't what she had. She first walked over to the mouseketeer and said “Fluffernutter Moomins, I present you with a comb.�?“A comb?! I wanted claws!�?With a loving look, she said “There is a reason for you not having claws. Your family has shown their love and compassion for you by bringing you food. You shall repay them with this comb and your soft paws by being the best groomer in the Kalahari.�?Fluff lit up with this epiphany. The knowledge that he really is an asset to his loved ones transformed him.
She then approached Scarface and handed him a rolled-up piece of paper. “what is this?�?he asked. “A map�? she answered. He thought for a while and said, “how will this help my scar?�?“Youssarian, we've known each other for a long time and I know you never really got a fair chance with the Whiskers. This is a map to several wild mobs off the reservation. You can start fresh with no strings or rivalries. Plus, the females over there think that tough, rugged loners are hot!�?He nuzzled her as a tear ran down his cheek. Then, for some reason, he tried to pick up Fluff and do a borough move. She turned and said “Youssy, knock it off!�?He just shrugged and tried to act cool.
She walked toward ole patch and being the bold leader he is, he spoke first, but surprisingly humble, “What could a mean old one eyed meerkat like me ask from the Queen of the Kalahari?�?“Anything you wish.�?she whispered. He put his head down and said very softly “I feel so selfish for wanting to be handsome, for wanting love and adoration.�?She reached out and pulled his chin up and said, “You have earned it, dear friend. Not only have you earned it, you already have all of those things. Your family holds you dear in their hearts like no other.�?She brought her other hand from around her back and handed him a pillow. He looked at it with confusion as she gently took his radio collar off. He looked up fast at her astounded. “Jim Bob, you will stay here with your family. They are here in this borough waiting for you. They all came to me with wishes like you did, but they all had the same wish, and now that you are here, their wish is fulfilled.�?He looked at her sternly, not wanting to allow himself to think that this could be possible. That look stopped as his eyes darted to the left. His jaw dropped and his cheeks smiled at the same time and with a burst of volume that startled us all he yelled “Ozzy!!!�?He ran to the outstretched arms of his family. After a moment he said to them; “wait here�?and ran back over to Prower and just as he was about to scent mark her, she turned to him with that look that we all know and said “Don't push it, Buddy!�?He snickered and returned to his family.
Well, she finally turned to me and smiled. I said to her “I guess there isn't much hope of me going home, is there?�?She handed me a slip of paper. I looked at it, read it, looked up and said incredulously, “this just has my user name and password for the Quirkie forum.�?She winked at me and said “You see, you are home.�?BR>
The end.
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Love it! We always said Pronker was half meerkat. So glad you are home. |
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