Afraid Of My Heart

Maybe I'm afraid of my heart.  It keeps sending out some pretty powerful messages to me.

"Go ahead, let yourself love to the very core of me.   Let someone love you the way you should be loved.   Stop being such a loner.  All that ever comes of that is the blues."

The thought of truly loving or being truly loved again, is such a wonderful thought, but, it brings waves of almost sheer terror over me.

To stand on opposite sides of a room from my loverand have the others in the room see the love we have for each other by watching the glances we exchange would be a dream come true.

 I dream a lot, but, dreams are what keep me going.  Oh, I love someone very deeply right now.  But that someone is another victim of the waves of terror.  So I give what he will take and take what he will give...and wait.

 It seems I've been waiting most of my life.  Waiting and watching and dreaming.

(Mokijune Raintree ....12/18/01)