The Humor Network alerts you to the viruses that can infect your computer at anytime:

• Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
• Airline virus: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
• Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.
• AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
• The Verizon virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.
• Bobbit virus: Removes a vital part of your hard disk then re-attaches it. (But that part will never work again.)
• Congressional Virus: Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.
• Congressional Virus #2: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.
• David Duke virus: Makes your screen go completely white.
• Elvis virus: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy and then self destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.
• Federal bureaucrat virus: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which do practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer.
• Freudian virus: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.
• Government economist virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
• Health Care virus: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.
• Jimmy Hoffa virus: Your programs can never be found again.
• Kevorkian virus: Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.
• OJ virus: It claims that it did not, could not and would not delete two of your file and vows to find the virus that did it.
• PBS virus: Your PC stops every few minutes to ask for money.
• Politically correct virus: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism".
• Christian Science Virus: Your hard drive isn't really down, you just think it is.
• Bill Clinton Virus: Gives you a 7" hard drive with no memory.