Mick was showing an American some Irish marrow's and the American said that they had gherkins as big as marrow's.  Then Mick showed him some cabbages, the American said that in the States they had Brussels sprouts as big as them and that American cabbages are about 3 feet in diameter.  Eventually the American pointed to some old gasometers and asked what they were.  Mick replied "They're saucepans for cooking American cabbages."

An Irish man is sittin in a pub one night when 3 Englishmen walked in. The men sit down, and start to talk about how they can anger the Irishman... The first man says, "Watch this..." He gets up, walks over to the Irishman, and says, "Hey man, I hear your St. Patrick was a faggot." The Irishman just replies, "Oh, is that so now?" The Englishman, goes back to his seat perplexed, when his friend jumps up and says, "Here, lemme try that." So he goes over to the Irishman and says, "Hey man, I hear your St. Patrick was a transvestite faggot!" The Irishman only replies, "Oh, is that so now?" So the Englishman, frustrated, goes and sits down with his friends. When the 3rd Englishman jumps up and says, "Well, now, I gotta try that!" So he walks over to the Irishman ans says, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was  an ENGLISHMAN!"
And the Irishman replies, "Aye, that's what your friends were sayin."

An English man and an Irish man are driving head on , at night, on a twisty, dark road. Both are driving too fast for the conditions and collide on a sharp bend in the road. To the amazement of both, they are unscathed, though their cars are both destroyed. In celebration of their luck, both agree to put aside their dislike for the other from that moment on. At this point, the Irish man goes to the boot and fetches a 12-year old bottle of Jameson whiskey. He hands the bottle to the English man, whom exclaims,'' May the English and the Irish live together forever, in peace, and harmony!'' The English man then tips the bottle and lashes half of it down. Still flabbergasted over the whole thing, he goes to hand the bottle to the Irish man, whom replies: '' No tanks, I'll just wait till the Garda get here!''