Signs Found in the Kitchens of Noncooks the World Over:

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• A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen and this kitchen is delirious.  
• No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.  
• A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house. 
• A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
• Thou shall not weigh more than thy refrigerator. 
• Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
• A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.  
• Help keep the kitchen clean - eat out. 
• Housework done properly can kill you.  
• Countless number of people have eaten in this kitchen and gone on to lead normal lives. 
• My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines. 
• The only reason I have a kitchen is because it came with the house when I bought it. 
• There are only three kinds of food - Frozen, Canned, & Take-out! 
• This is a self-cleaning kitchen. Please clean up after yourself.