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| | From:  ELN2 (Original Message) | Sent: 5/30/2007 4:22 AM |
Two guys were discussing popular family
trends on sex, marriage, and values. Stu said,
"I didn't sleep with my wife before we got
married, did you?"
Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, What was her
maiden name?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
A little boy went up to his father and asked:
"Dad, where did all of my intelligence come
from?"
The father replied. "Well, son, you must have got
it from your mother, 'cause I still have mine"
-------------------------------------------------------------
A doctor examined a woman, took the
husband aside, and said, "I don't like the
looks of your wife at all,"
"Me neither, Doc," said the husband. "But
she's a great cook and really good with the
kids."
----------------------------------------------------------
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if
he can remove a curse he has been living
with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says,
"Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact
words that were used to put the curse on you.
The old man says without hesitation, "I now
pronounce you man and wife."
-----------------------------------------------------
Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A
Redneck Murder
1. All the DNA is the same.
2. There are no dental records.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can
you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San
Francisco to New York City ?"
The agent replies, "Just a minute..."
"Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.
------------------- - ----------------------------------------
Two Mexican detectives were investigating
the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
"How was he killed?" asked one detective.
"With a golf gun," the other detective replied
"A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?"
"I don't know. But it sure made a hole in
Juan."
-------------------------------------------------------------
The investigation of Martha Stewart continues.
Her recipe for chicken casserole is quite
efficient. First you boil the chicken in water.
And then you dump the stock.
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This guy has been sitting in a bar all night,
staring at a blonde wearing the tightest pants
he's ever seen. Finally his curiosity gets the
best of him, so he walks over and asks, "How
do you get into those pants?"
The young woman looks him over and replies, "Well, you could start by buying me
a drink."
-------------------------------------------------------------
Moe: "My wife got me to believe in religion."
Joe: "Really?"
Moe: "Yeah. Until I married her I didn't
believe in hell."
-------------------------------------------------------------
A man is recovering from surgery when a
nurse asks him how he is feeling. "I'm O. K.
but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor
used in surgery," he answered. "What did he
say," asked the nurse.
"OOPS!"
--------------------------------------------------------------- -----------
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband
and I passed a display of bathing suits . It had been
at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had
even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought
my husband's advice. "What do you think?" I asked.
"Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?"
"Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it
all in one."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Grandpa was driving with his 9 year old
granddaughter and beeped the horn by mistake.
She turned and looked at him for an explanation.
He said, "I did that by accident."
She replied, "I know that, Grandpa."
He replied, "How did you know?"
She said, "Because you didn't say "asshole"
afterwards >
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 and those surely made me laugh!!!!! |
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