~ Secret Signature's PsP Garden ~

((((¯`'·.¸(*)°Karen's Journal(*)¸.·'´¯))))

Well where do i begin...their is so much for me to write about...

Well first the good news.Finally got my new appartment moving in like 2 weeks here so been busy packing and cleaning by myself to this point..I just cannot wait to get out of this dump iam living in right now, and the caretakers here are so lazy and well if i could say what i really think of them without msn closing us down, then you would really know my true feelings...

Anyways havent been myself the past couple of days now..Seems im back to having dreams i thought were gone from my life, but for some reason are appearing once again, and iam scared...

Let me explain..

I am a survivor of abuse from my ex-boyfriend,which is my son's father.. now the last time i ever had those horrible dreams about him was when my son was 5yrs old and his father called me threatning to see him...

Well now they are back again..

In my dream iam walking to the store at night,when all of a sudden someone in a black car pulls up to me,he gets out of the car and hits me right in the face knocking me out..When i come to iam in a field of corn, i know crazy..but anyways iam tourchared by him for hours, to the exstream but cannot go into details its too horrible..I try so hard to fight him off,but my body is frozen in time, like i cannot move ,talk, do anything to stop him..I scream as load as i could but nothing comes out of my mouth..Then as he is about to take a gun to my head i wake up in a sweat,shaking all over and panicing.. i get out of bed look around my house and then check the locks on my doors.. and nothing, then i realize i was dreaming this all happend to me..

Why am i dreaming like this again, are my dreams trying to tell me something, is he in saskatoon now and my dreams are a way of warning me...Iam so confused i dont know why iam thinking about him so much again..Iam at such a loss right now..

I guess that is the major issue iam having right now..other things consist of being prepared for me move,twisting my foot the other day and dealing with the pain and bruises from that...which i guess is a sorta trama...Ummm worrying if i can afford this move just before christmas.. wondering if this move will truely change things in my life for the better...

I feel down all the time, trapped and lonely..I dont go anywhere's or even for a walk anymore cause of health problems..I dont chat alot on messenger of the phone much either, unless My Sister's Gina & Tammy or Jackie calls me..That is the only communication i have with anyone anymore...Very sad life i live to be honest with you..

Iam hoping then when i do move that things improve on my life for the better, that i have more energy for things, that i concentrate on my health issues more..That with the new place brings new memories for me and my son...

So many things to think and worry about in my life...I just do not share my darkest feelings with anyone ,cause its not something i am ready to share with my friends..Might sound selfish or that i dont trust them, thats not the case at all... just not easy for me to open up to people,even if they have nothing but the best intentions to be here for me, just somethings i cannot reveal to anyone..

Anyways now it sounds like iam rambling so gonna quit for now, need to go have my bath and relax, but first need to make sure everything is locked up and secure before hand..

Laters...

Thanks for reading if you do..

Karen