I've been reading about and learning about Co-Dependency for a few years.
It's a mental diseases that if left untreated, comes back and festers a new sore.
I've learned I need to be diligent to keep myself aware of slipping back into the habit... so I'm putting this list here to check occassionally
But also... the list helps me to remember to learn the better and more correct ways to feel about myself.... without depending on someone else to provide the good feelings.
To me... co-dependent thinking is like a magnet... and occassionally the brain needs to be de-magnitized from it's pull.
Or it could be seen to be like a snowball...
because once your brain gets on the roll...it just keeps going,
picking up one more trait after another... and we have to
stop the roll.... and melt the snowball of wrong thinking patterns.
Following is a commonly used list of characteristics of codependency.
- My good feelings about who I am stem from being liked by you
- My good feelings about who I am stem from receiving approval from you
- Your struggle affects my serenity. My mental attention focuses on solving your problems/relieving your pain
- My mental attention is focused on you
- My mental attention is focused on protecting you
- My mental attention is focused on manipulating you to do it my way
- My self-esteem is bolstered by solving your problems
- My self-esteem is bolstered by relieving your pain
- My own hobbies/interests are put to one side. My time is spent sharing your hobbies/interests
- Your clothing and personal appearance are dictated by my desires and I feel you are a reflection of me
- Your behaviour is dictated by my desires and I feel you are a reflection of me
- I am not aware of how I feel. I am aware of how you feel.
- I am not aware of what I want - I ask what you want. I am not aware - I assume
- The dreams I have for my future are linked to you
- My fear of rejection determines what I say or do
- My fear of your anger determines what I say or do
- I use giving as a way of feeling safe in our relationship
- My social circle diminishes as I involve myself with you
- I put my values aside in order to connect with you
- I value your opinion and way of doing things more than my own
- The quality of my life is in relation to the quality of yours