... Jeni....let it go.
Focus on the good you have with Nate now, and with us here.
When we let ourselves feel bitterness and resentment, it only hurts us... it serves no other purpose. It does not change or heal... it is like we are creating a new wound within ourselves. We do it to ourselves. Other people do not do it, even though we like to blame them for the pain. We are inflicting it on ourselves everytime we choose to let ourselves feel those negative feelings. And you are better than that, and worth more than that. We both are.
I understand...truly I do. Some day he'll be a lot better husband to someone else too... and it will hurt me to see him being that way to her, as it hurts you.
However... I intend to be off living in my own happiness by then. And will not be 'needing' anything from him.
In the end, we must forgive ourselves for what we did to ourself... through our own neglect of ourself. Easy, no. But we are worth receiving our own forgiveness. So, we let them get away with not treating us as we deserved to be treated. We did it. And so we are now free to stop doing it!
We can't continue to hold against someone things they did not have within themselves to give us that we needed from them. At some point...we have to just accept they did not have it in them... and let go of 'needing' them to have it for us.
Last night I realised I had finally become able to do that... and it felt so good. Free of all the pain...free of the old need of 'retribution' so to speak. I used to feel that towards lots of people who I felt did me wrong in the past. I wanted them to some day "know" they were wrong. I thought I needed to be "vindicated" in that way. I don't. I'm free.
And so are you. You are out of that, you are free... and you have today to fill up with as much good stuff as you CHOOSE to.
It's your day Jeni. You own today.
When it ends.... what do you want to look back on and see it filled with? Wasted bitterness and anger over something that is 20 years old... like an old coat in the attic covered in spiderwebs and mothballs? Holding on to it for what? Or, when you wake up tomorrow, do you want to look back on today and see moments of laughter, love, kindness, and joy you sprinkled along the way?
Maybe you could do something like this: Get you some empty boxes...tiny, small, size doesn't mater. And each day, wrap one... and put it under the tree. In each box is the 'thoughts and feelings' you give to that individual day.. it's the day you "create". Ask yourself what would you want to look at when you open those gift of life boxes later on? Do you want to open it and look at anger, hatred, resentment, bitterness? If yes, ask yourself why? Why is that a good gift of life to yourself? It's not. So don't give yourself that. Give your self whatever good you can find to be had. That's what I'm doing. And you and I are both worth it!
I'm not crying over the last 30 years. Instead, I'm building goodness into my new todays and new tomorrows. And you can do that too. With us. And with Nate. And with your children and grandchildren. Dump that old rag coat of bitterness and resentment and hate. Trash it and say good riddance to it. It's old, outdated, out of style, and does not need to be kept anymore. Live only in today. And fill today with new good things. You got ME! ...now that is a good thing to put in your today box. And there's lots of other good things to put in it too....ain't no room in there for that old rag from the past.
I've got to get to work now on my new thing....moving! Hugs, Grace