***IN GENERAL***

1.  Never take a beer to a job interview.

2.  Always identify people in your yard before 

shooting at them.

3.  It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to 

church.

4.  If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to 

change the sheets.

5.  Even if you're certain that you are included 

in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral 

home.

 ***DINING OUT ***

1.  If drinking directly from the bottle, always

 hold it with your fingers  covering the label.

2.  Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the 

floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.

***ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME ***

1. A centerpiece for the table should never be 

anything prepared by a  taxidermist.

2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no 

matter how good his manners  are.

 ***PERSONAL HYGIENE ***

1.  While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this 

is a job that should be  done in private using one's OWN truck keys.

2.  Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing 

for several  days.However, if you live alone, deodorant is a 

waste of good money.

3.  Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a 

social no-no, as they tend  to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the 

taste of finger foods.

***DATING (Outside the Family) ***

1.  Always offer to bait your date's hook, 

especially on the first date.

2.  Establish with her parents what time she is 

expected back. Some will  say 10:00 PM; others might say "Monday."  If the 

latter is the answer, it is the man's 

responsibility to get her to school on time.

***WEDDINGS ***

1.  Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a 

wedding gift.

2.  Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may 

get you shot.

3.  Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and 

shoes for this special  occasion.

***DRIVING ETIQUETTE ***

1.  When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle 

with the largest tires always has the right of way.

2.  Never tow another car using panty hose and 

duct tape.

3.  When sending your wife down the road with a 

gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.

4.  Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, 

especially when driving.

5.  Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral 

procession.

 ***TWO REASONS WHY IT IS HARD TO SOLVE A REDNECK 

MURDER***

1.  All the DNA is the same.

2.  There are no dental records.