1.  Some talking or singing toys have no Off buttons. And it sometimes feels good to rip the batteries out of them and hold them over your head in victory.

 

2.  If you see a penny, for Peke's sake, don't pick it up!! If there's just one penny and more than one kid, someone will wind up upset, quite possibly you. Then you'll have to dig around in your purse for another penny, which your preschooler will try to stick up her nose anyway.

 

3.  After spending an evening in the ER while your son gets stitches (after his little brother smacked him in the head with a hockey stick) you will somehow be more wiped out than he is.  And you'll need more pain relievers, too.

 

4.  Pacifiers have magical powers.  Do not underestimate them.

 

5.  As soon as you invest in a few of those enormous boxes of diapers from the warehouse store, your baby will grow to the next size.

 

6.  When someone says he "slept like a baby,"  it means he woke up every 90 minutes howling

 

7.  When you're out with the kids and someone tells you, "My, you have your hands full," it means "Boy, am I glad I'm not you."

 

8.  The quieter the public place, the louder your 18 month old.

 

9.  In public places, your kids move in opposite directions, but when they're home, you wont be able to keep them off each other.

 

10.  Toddlers have no sense of humor when nap time is overdue.

 

11.  Neither do moms.

 

12.  Your children will fight over the most seemingly innocuous things, such as a pencil or the free real-estate guide from the supermarket, only to completely forget about them when Arthur comes on TV.

 

13.  You won't understand what people mean by, "It goes so fast," until the first day you put your baby on a school bus.