You Might Be a Redneck Pagan If.....
-If you call the God & Goddess by hollerin' "Hey, Y'all! Watch me!"....
-If you've ever harvested ritual herbs with a weed wacker.....
-If your Wand of Power is a cattle prod....
-If your Bard plays the banjo.....
-If your favorite painting of the Goddess gives her hair like Reba McEntire.....
-If your power animal is a pitbulldog.....
-If you worship the gods of cheap beer and Nascar.......
-If your broom has four-wheel drive and SC plates.....
-If your coven-stead is propped up on cinder blocks....
-If your favorite Great Rite partner is your first, second AND third cousin......
-If you envoke the spirits so that your beer lasts longer......
-If you pray nightly to the god of big tires.....
-If you can play "The Burning Times" on the banjo.....
-If your favorite ritual libation is brewed in an illegal backyard still.....
-If you sacrifice bbq and pork rinds on a altar made of old car hoods....
-If you have a combined Maypole Dance/Tractor Pull/Turkey Shoot for Beltane....
-If part of your rite includes throwing shotgun shells into the fire....
-If when your priestess says "Blessed Be" in circle, you respond with "YEEE- HAW!"
-If you shoot guns into the air when the priestess says, "The circle is open but unbroken..."
-If your robes are made out of denim with Harley Davidson patches.....
-If your high priestess' hair gets caught in the ceiling fan.....
-If your most sacred altar items include, hubcap a velvet painting and a half- empty can of chaw.....
-If your altar cloth is a Confederate flag.....
-If you carry your ritual sword in your pickup's gun rack.....
-If your craft name starts with Bubba.....
-If your maiden sweeps the circle with a weedwacker.....
-If you've ever cooked road-kill stew in your cauldron.....
-If your cauldron looks a whole lot like a spitoon.....
-If your altar cloth is vinyl.....
-If you bought your chalice at the Piggly Wiggly.....
-If you buy your incense and candles at Wal-Mart (ouch!).....
-If you've ever done a candle spell for your local high-school football team.....
-If your neighbor thinks "the Great Rite" has something to do with Jerry Falwell....
-If you've ever meditated to "Dueling Banjos"....
-If you leave beef jerky out for Samhain....
-If your circle dance is a two step...
-If your familiar can point quail...
-If your familiar keeps mice out of the grainery....
-If the bell on your altar was ever worn by an animal in a pasture....
-If your altar has a spit cup....
-If any part of your invocation of the South Quarter includes any line from any song by Lynard Skynard....
-If your athame is by Bowie....
-If you smoke Salem cigarettes for the historical significance...
-Or you found out your familiar is an opossum - and still ate it, .......you might be a redneck Pagan!
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