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Jokes : You Might Be a Redneck Pagan If.....
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 Message 1 of 2 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameLady_Of_The_Abyss  (Original Message)Sent: 11/21/2007 4:24 PM
You Might Be a Redneck Pagan If.....

-If you call the God & Goddess by hollerin' "Hey, Y'all! Watch me!"....

-If you've ever harvested ritual herbs with a weed wacker.....

-If your Wand of Power is a cattle prod....

-If your Bard plays the banjo.....

-If your favorite painting of the Goddess gives her hair like Reba McEntire.....

-If your power animal is a pitbulldog.....

-If you worship the gods of cheap beer and Nascar.......

-If your broom has four-wheel drive and SC plates.....

-If your coven-stead is propped up on cinder blocks....

-If your favorite Great Rite partner is your first, second AND third
cousin......

-If you envoke the spirits so that your beer lasts longer......

-If you pray nightly to the god of big tires.....

-If you can play "The Burning Times" on the banjo.....

-If your favorite ritual libation is brewed in an illegal backyard still.....

-If you sacrifice bbq and pork rinds on a altar made of old car hoods....

-If you have a combined Maypole Dance/Tractor Pull/Turkey Shoot for Beltane....

-If part of your rite includes throwing shotgun shells into the fire....

-If when your priestess says "Blessed Be" in circle, you respond with "YEEE-
HAW!"

-If you shoot guns into the air when the priestess says, "The circle is open but
unbroken..."

-If your robes are made out of denim with Harley Davidson patches.....

-If your high priestess' hair gets caught in the ceiling fan.....

-If your most sacred altar items include, hubcap a velvet painting and a half-
empty can of chaw.....

-If your altar cloth is a Confederate flag.....

-If you carry your ritual sword in your pickup's gun rack.....

-If your craft name starts with Bubba.....

-If your maiden sweeps the circle with a weedwacker.....

-If you've ever cooked road-kill stew in your cauldron.....

-If your cauldron looks a whole lot like a spitoon.....

-If your altar cloth is vinyl.....

-If you bought your chalice at the Piggly Wiggly.....

-If you buy your incense and candles at Wal-Mart (ouch!).....

-If you've ever done a candle spell for your local high-school football
team.....

-If your neighbor thinks "the Great Rite" has something to do with Jerry
Falwell....

-If you've ever meditated to "Dueling Banjos"....

-If you leave beef jerky out for Samhain....

-If your circle dance is a two step...

-If your familiar can point quail...

-If your familiar keeps mice out of the grainery....

-If the bell on your altar was ever worn by an animal in a pasture....

-If your altar has a spit cup....

-If any part of your invocation of the South Quarter includes any line from any
song by Lynard Skynard....

-If your athame is by Bowie....

-If you smoke Salem cigarettes for the historical significance...

-Or you found out your familiar is an opossum - and still ate it,
.......you might be a redneck Pagan!


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Reply
 Message 2 of 2 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameRowan_HeatherMystSent: 11/28/2007 1:58 AM
actually some of these sound like my niece and her hubby lmbo!