Good Morning once again. Bright blessings and garden moments to all...I was thinking of personal growth this morning while focusing on the dead tree outside the window again. It's a dogwood. In February, it started to bud, then there was that hard freeze - It almost killed everything around here. Other trees recovered, but not this one. It just stands; empty, leafless, becoming brittle. I've wondered about the lessons in this tree, and if the neighbor will cut it down.

I believe there are lessons in everything. I think about the magick in a child's heart and how easily we parents can shut it down. How we can ignore a budding friendship for whaterver reason - being busy comes to mind -and it fades into non-existance. How we can have good intentions and not put our actions behind them - and I heard my gramma voice say "nothing fruitful happens on it's own."

I was looking at herbs and oils and it began my train of thought - I began to wonder what MY essence is. What aroma does the blend of my life give off?

What scent does my marriage hold? What energy does my home hold? What difference am I making in the lives of my children? How will we 'taste' in the years to come?

My youngest child is a reflection of me and Steve and I am very aware of that. Are we deliberately raising our child or allowing him to just sprawl haphazardly? (ever the gardener, lol) Geoffrey is at a turning point. We can either let him grown wild or do a bit of pruning. His essence will be influenced by our nuturing; to a point. There comes a time that actions allowed, become habits set. I take note every day how we react to him. Lately, dad is reacting a bit negatively to some things and that needs attention so our home continues on in a positive way - and so his life mate doesn't hate me... I want him to become a better man because we learned from our own lessons and took action/care to infuse the essence of them into who he is.

My grandmother was such an influence on my life. I loved her so much. She wasn't religious. My gramma's house was neat as a pin. She was always working. You would always be offered food in her house. She would dance when she cooked. She raised their food - meat, veges, fruit. She canned. She made pickles and jams. She sewed her own clothes. There was always evidence of her work. It was her essence. She did everything in her life with purpose. She was funny, she was strong. My grandma brought her spiritual gifts to me through her example.

My mother was gifted beyond anything I've ever encountered - she had magick - the kind I want to have - then denied it. In a way, she became like that tree in the yard. I thought her magick froze dead inside of her. She turned her back on it and her choices eventually led her from our lives. She was the opposite of gramma in every way. The things she left me are the things I try to to overcome and be better than. Contact with her hurts me. We hear a word once in a while that stirs the pot - there is no exchange, just a reminder that she was here once upon a time.

I am realizing the essence she left behind was not sweet - I remember reading an old bartender's handbook once. I know the bitters have to be added for the sweet to be fully appreciated. My mama left the bitters. Literally. I strive every day to be different and get so mad at how much I am like her -

Logically, I know that it's the sum of everything we mix that makes the final product.

I started writing this morning thinking about balance. How there is no balance between the two. But that's not true. These women are the ultimate balance and it is the viewpoint that makes one dark and another light. My Gramma was pagan. My mama, christian. Both bring something very important to who I am. So this morning, I ask myself - again, what is my essence? What will I leave behind? (As Jody said to me) Will I be the voice inside someone's head someday? What will my children create from what I bring to their lives? Am I living consciously, or am I just spending time?

Could something have been done to save that tree? Does it matter? Will it matter? Just because it's changed, is it truely useless? Or will something else come of it? Even in the ending of one thing, I think there is a beginning of something else. WOW...I think my musings just showed me that who WE are, and that tree - bring a lesson of life, death and rebirth.

Right back to where I started...it's the lesson of the CIRCLE. A finch just landed on the branches of the dead dogwood and found breakfast...

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Geoffrey has discovered a love for hot tea and my kitchen calls to me. It will be an inside day. I have balance to maintain. All my love to everyone.

~Amber