Lately i have been feeling more and more at times like i should stop talking. So many times in my life it hashappened that my words got twisted, got taken the wrong way, were turned into something else then i originally meant, so many times were even turned into something horrible deliberately just to put me on a bad spot. It has made me wonder many times. Made me wonder if i should stop talking. I know what i have to say is going to sound crazy and i guess somehow i am just trying to express what i am thinking and feeling at times. Trying to find a way to deal with this....Maybe this also sometimes gets enhanced especially when i am very depressed or frustrated...maybe it even gets triggered by the fact that i am scared immigration won't let me into the country in the end in which case i would be seperated from my wife...i don't know...
One of the things i do to keep me sane is listen music and especially make music. My main instruments are sybnthesizers and computer synthesizers. I compose my own music pieces and design sounds and recently have also entered the field of building my own computer synthesizers. There is a program with which you can easily build your own computer synthesizers and design them any way you want to with any synthesis forms, graphics etc etc you want. Making music and designing sounds for me is like expressing what i feel. Every sound i make is somehow an expression of a feeling i have. Every piece of music is a collection of thoughts and feelings strung together....
For me music is like a language with sentences, ords and even grammar. Like i said i know it sounds crazy but it just the way it is....and sometimes, when i get depressed and especially when people are taking things the wrong way again, i get thoughts in my head. I start thinking like " you know what ? Maybe i should stop talking all together. Just no more words. I will only speak one language anymore and that will be music. If people want answers to what they are saying to me, they can listen to my music and sounds".
I know i know. It sounds crazy and it sounds strange ... but i just can't deny this is the way i feel sometimes and i am just trying to find a way to deal with it i guess. By finally talking about it. It is hard to write about this because i am kinda worried people just will think i am some kind of strange basket case or whatever. I am not. I am just a person who sometimes survives by making music and who sometimeshas enough of people taking things the wrong way. O one more thing, please don't think this is directed towards people here or something cos it's not. I am just talking about a general thing i have been through too often and that people in general have done to me too often. I just needed to get it out. Thanks for listening...
John(Froststorm/Stormwarrior)
Free Forum Hosting
Important Announcement
0 recommendations 
First 
Return to The Burden Bear