The Peaceful Oasis

Important Announcement

The MSN Groups service will close in February 2009. You can move your group to Multiply, MSN’s partner for online groups. Learn More

I know it's been awhile since I've posted here, sorry guys. In some ways life has been going good!

But, now somethings going on and it's actually bugging me more than I should probably let it.

Something tells me only the managers in here will get this, but if anyone else has any insight, I'll take it.

Let's see how to explain.

I assist on an MSN Group catored to Epilepsy, because I have tonic clonic & absense seizures. The Manger there's son has a way worse case than me. She's a really nice person, but really shy and kinda quiet. I'm more willing to step in and post back to people things like...ummm, be respectful please OR, ummm...think again.

Well, for a good year, we put up with this one member constantly connecting epilepsy to wacky things like cold sores, mercury posioning and all these things that don't cause seizures. This week all hell broke loose when we once again reminded her it was "epilepsy chat" and if she's going to come up with these things, at least have a website to back it up. She threatened to kill the mgr. there, me, herself.

There was some twisted stuff in her words (I should add, she's also autistic).

I feel horrible because soo many people got sick of reading us giving her chance, after chance...while reminding her mutual respect would be nice. So, we gave up and banned her.

I actually wanted to get the poor banned girl to the point of calm, then do a crisis intervention some how to see if she did have thoughts of harming herself ever, and if she was OK. I worried about her. Now, she'll be pissed because she's banned, and I won't get the chance. I feel bad about that.

I mean, I know it's just the internet, but there are people behind the keyboards, and I feel bad for leaving someone with hurt feelings just because people got sick of reading her posts that had nothing to do with seizures and some "bickering" posts that went back & forth, that ultimately forced a decision of 'fine lets ban her', because we're getting sick of this.

I honestly don't know how people manage these MSN groups.

I can only imagine this one. That's the first time we've had to deal with anything like that in the group I assist on, but I feel bad though.

I just wish people would've backed off and let us do more.

How do you get people in an MSN Group to "get over it", and how do I get over it?

I know she'll be pissed, so it's not like I can go back to her.

Hi Erin..Not completely understanding the situation and not having gone through what you are actually going through myself of course I can only go by what you have said here..In my opinion I would have done exactly what you have done..You gave her warnings for a year?..She should have understood what was allowed and what wasn't in your group..She should have respect for other people as well..I would ban someone without any pause if they were rude or disrespectful on the boards..That's just common courtesy and if someone can't do that then I don't want them in my group..I really don't think it is too much to ask at all..In my personal opinion people like this I do not feel sorry for..They get themselves in these situations especially since she was well warned for some time..Something tells me that some of these people are really not bothered by it at all..She deserved to be banned from what Iam hearing..I don't ban people easily cause I know the pain and heartache it causes since I have been through a few myself..I have only done it once in the 2 and half years I believe it has been since my group first started..I banned them because they were rude on the boards..debating everything that was said..completely not grasping that the group was a support group and not a debate group..It was obvious to me that this person was only there to cause trouble which unfortunely they are out there..They get some kind of sick pleasure out of it..Just gives me the creeps..Since she threatened to "kill" others which of course she couldn't unless she knew where others lived she is still a threat..I don't take threats lightly cause you just never know..She sounds like a danger to your group..your members..herself..who knows to the people around her in her 3d life..She doesn't sound stable at all and the support/help she needs is in major professional counseling in a hospital..Probably meds as well..Depends on so much and what kind of person she really is..If you feel comfortable with it and know her enough you could tell her that she needs to call for help..or perhaps make the call for her if she gives you the info..I don't know this person or whether or not to take her seriously with her threats but for me I wouldn't communicate with her at all..I would steer clear of her cause she really sounds like bad news altogether..Unfortunately the down side with the internet is that you don't really know who you are really talking to and if they can be taken seriously..if the information they give you is really true unless you have known someone for a long time and really know them which I think can only be done outside of the internet..The same could be in 3d life but not being able to really see the person it is more so a fact on the internet..but yes as you say there are real people behind those keyboards..It's good to hear someone say that cause I think too many people don't understand that or just don't care..There are good people out there who really only want support and help..friendship..care/love..and just ppl to talk to..As a manager it is sometimes our job to tell the difference between the real and the fakes as best we can anyway..Running a group isn't easy and sometimes hard decisions have to be made..It's worth it if you accomplish what you set out to do which is to help people..Hope something here helped..Take good care..

Lots in there did help. You're right it's tough to tell the real from the fake at times. However, even though it's just the internet although I had doubts in my mind about a lot of this person's medical claims - I had no doubt in my mind about autistic, epileptic and a language disorder. And, the thing is I used to help research connections for autisim, and that impacts comprehension/understanding. So, in some of the final posts I was left wondering OK, is this person just annoyed - typing stuff and not understanding what they are typing fully OR are they truly having these thoughts racing thru their head?

In the end, I guess we did all we could and that's what matters. And in the year + she was around, she got a lot more support & attention than anyone probably had time for.

So, I guess I'll just know I did everything I could to keep her around, and it's not my fault she didn't meet everyone half way and come to a mutual understanding, and that she's the one that got kinda nasty.

So, thanks again. :)

Sending a smile your way....

Important Announcement The MSN Groups service will close in February 2009. You can move your group to Multiply, MSN’s partner for online groups. Learn More
The Peaceful Oasis	[email protected]