Sorry, i really need to get this off my chest....hope i am not bothering anyone....cos lately that's basically all i feel i do anymore, just bother people.....anyway.....
As you all know, last december i left Holland , literally leaving everything and everyone behind, taking the gamble to be with my wife Deb and the kids...for a chance at least to be happy...not even knowing what immigration will do....but i took the chance and took the risk....and i don't give a damn about it either....Deb and i deserve to be together....anyway....my so called family is doing NOTHING but giving me crap after crap after crap when i try to do something to help arrange a few things....first i had to go through major amounts of trouble to get some things out of my old apartment to store temporarely at their house where they have a big barn and a big attic with enough space....i was even told that i was causing tension and a possible second stroke for one of my parents ! Because my brother had to get some stuff out of my apartment and store it where they have space enough ?? then i am accused of causing a stroke ???? Excuse me ?? Then, when i try to enlighten the load for them by wanting to have some stuff sent over like my cd's i get major amounts of crap because they have to spend 2 dollar for sending them where i pay the other 48 dollar !!! and it takes me weeks and weeks of begging and trying over and over again to finally get it done. The cd's are finally sent out and should be arriving soon. In the meantime i lost several cd's from my collection because either my so called brother or one of his friends took them most likely ! And then this morning i asked for them to put about 50 dollar in my account over there so i can pay about 600 of old bills . I payed 550 now. And told them i will pay them the 50 in about three weeks. And my mother is willing to do it and then my brother starts putting spades in the wheels simply because he is jealous that i ask for help which i pay back, mind you !
He is trying to tell everyone what to do and has been systematically trying to put spades between the wheels for the little help i asked. This guy is a sleezeball ! An absolute sleezeball who is 33 years old, claims he can't work but in fact finds it damn easy to live at home where he doesn't have to pay any bills at all and any food at all except for a monthly internet bill. This guy has a computer full of porn and crap and dares to accuse me of causing problems ???? One who doesn't have to pay anything for food, nor rent, nor bills, one who goes to shops to spend dirty times with cashiers , someone like that accuses me of beeing wrong when i try the best i can to support my family, where i am stuck because i have no work permit, where i still try the best i can to pay old debts that i owe over there in that stupid freaking country ??? Yes, i know i would be better of not contacting my family at all !! They have abused me as a child and severely ! They have abused me physically, mentally, sexually, emotionally, financially. And that sleeze brother of me doesn't have to pay a damn thing for bills or food and dares to accuse me of beeing a freeloader ???? I know i should not contact them and believe me i won't. But damned, i am NOT gonna let them have my stuff ! I want my cd's and i want my synthesizer gear that is still over there and i WILL bother them untill i get back what is rightfully MINE !!!!!!! After that i will have no official family no more ! Ever again ! The only official family i will have is Deb and the kids ! My "real" familly can go to you know where !!
I am sorry but i am pissed off, sad, hurt and this just reminds me of abuse and crap that i have had to go through for 30 years with them before i finally had enough money to move out of there. Cos you know what ? To the contrary of my brother, i DID work and i worked hard, for over 10 years. And my money has been taken for bills and food and all. There was money borrowed from me that i never got back ! I saved up 1200 dollar and one day they misteriously dissapeared from my room ! I am so sick and tired of " family" and as far as i am concerned i don't have one. I felt the chains, the chairs, the ashtrays ever since i was three years old , sometimes because i was simply hungry ! I have had it with my "official family" a long time ago and i AM SICK AND TIRED OF THEM.
I am sorry if this offends anyone but i had to get this out....i am trying all i can to build a new life and they simply even don't want me to have that. They have always tried to take every possible happiness away from me....i am telling you something....next week i will call them and request them to send me my synthesizer gear....if they don't then they can screw it ! Then i will get new gear later when deb and i are in a better position. Or i will build my own computer synthesizers....they say what comes around goes around....but i wonder if they ever will be confronted with what they did and do....i still have nightmares on a repeated basis of all the abuse and hitting and crap....i still feel the lashes once causecd on my body in my soul and my heart is still beeing ripped in a thousand pieces at times. What freaking right did they have ???? I know i should not hate, hate brings nothing but destruction in one's soul....but let me say this then....any feelings what so ever for them are totally gone and will never return again.
John (Froststorm)
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