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| | | From: *2many* (Original Message) | Sent: 7/15/2003 7:13 AM |
..totally.. i stayed online as long as i could tonight, in case anyone needed to talk, but after all that happened today, i am just totally wiped out. coming off a 2+ month hypo phase, 2 weeks of non stop panic attacks, being banned from another community after crashing hard. being back to the old ways old habits, of cutting. needing to feel that pain to deal.. to release the pressure.. dont get me wrong, there was no place id rather be then there waiting in case someone needed to talk. and i know i could have handled just about anything. but thinking of that kid, and his whole life ahead, and thinking of my nieces and nephews, qute a few around that same age. and mourning the fact that he felt he didnt habe any other way to cope, or any other option.. i remmember that age, and feeling overwhelmed, but nothing ike the personal hell he was going through. and all thos e lfeft behind it just plays over and over and over in my mind... and right now, there is no peace... there is no logic. and none of this seems real, or fair.. |
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| | | From: *2many* | Sent: 7/19/2003 3:44 AM |
tired of trying, tired of fighting tired of the pain, of being the problem and not the solution. just cant seem to find a solution never was one i guess tired of the worry i cause, tired of the stress, the fear the chaos regectiun the lies running out of rational choices.. willbe fine hust really really down |
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| | | From: 2many | Sent: 6/13/2004 4:45 AM |
ever feel like no matter how much you try to give, there is someone out there who expects more? and nothing you can say or do is good enough, you cant be the person they want you to be, and the pressure is so intense you just want to give up and not care what they say/think/feel about you? ever have those times when you know you are to down to be any good to anyone, and after checking into your groups, thats all you can do, but you are constantly made to feel guilty or like you dont belong because you arent "supportive" enough for others? or maybe its just me.... i just cant shake past experinces of this last week especially.... |
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| | | From: 2many | Sent: 6/13/2004 5:21 AM |
ever feel like you failed someone?? |
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| | | From: 2many | Sent: 6/13/2004 6:47 AM |
nevermind, obviously it doesnt matter |
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| | | From: over | Sent: 6/14/2004 1:31 AM |
yah, I know what you mean.......some times the situation sucks the life out of you, no matter what you do, they always need *more* than you can give.....because you have issues too....... reminds me of something, about 8 years ago a lady I work with was having a hell of a time with her divorce, we used to sit out in the car and talk (mainly her talking) about our troubles.....I always was reassuring to her, told her she was strong enough to handle what was coming, and better days were coming...and like that. A few years later, when I was truly type-1 manic and screwed up royally, and needed a bit of a helping hand, she was one of those who was conspicuous (sp?) by her absence...I never forgot that lesson, and don't expect too much of anyone anymore. A nice person, can't fault her, her judgement is right on, I'm not someone a "normal" wants to get too close too, but it still stings like a bitch.......... I know how you feel. |
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sorry you are feeling bad..i know the feeling well..maybe we can help each other through it?..not sure what or who you are talking about in your one post..i hope i don't ask too much?..but i do understand the feeling..i usually feel it when iam down cause everything is overwhelming..and i know what it feels like to feel like you have failed someone..feel that way too right now..and of course it matters..why would you say it doesn't?..but than i understand that feeling too..sucks!..hang in there..iam right beside you helping anyway i can..take good care..
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