Hate to hear about the cutting Pam, but I'm not one to make judgements, having done some pretty extreme things to "get through the night". You'll get through this.........
It occurs to me that you've got some strong ideas about various aspects of life--and rightly so, you're intelligent and have thought about things a lot. That's a good thing, I think, though some say to me, "you think too much, gets you in trouble" (I could see where not thinking got them in trouble)......ya gotta have values, and you do.....
Point is, don't doubt yourself so, wear your hard-won beliefs like a badge, use what you know for sure as stepping stones, and have something solid under your feet.......
Ackkk!! Too many words, and I'm missing it.........Just don't doubt yourself so hon, you're a good person heading for a better place (ya you are, even if you can't see it this moment).....keep tryin'!