oh wow!!  pam i had so many questions on that one!!

 

actually this time of year i do crave more sweets, and i always crave salty foods.  i didnt buy any chips today, but really should have gotten cheese and crackers or something.  course, limited money means i cant always justify it.

sucks that unhealthy foods are cheaper but for myself there are ways to get buy without spending much as iam pretty much broke too..sales are a big helper and that's what i tend to plan my meals around..whatever is cheap and now i have the but still healthy too which makes it harder..i just got 10 ears of corn for 2 bucks..wwoo hooooo!..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I stopped writing in here cause things were getting confusing for me and I didn't want to confuse the heck out of anyone else..I have struggled with this for so long and I have tried so many things to help myself overcome this but was never successful..I finally have reached a point where I get it and why I was failing again and again..I plan to "wean" myself off of binging..This is a tool that works for me..I use to smoke once upon a time..Not much but I weaned myself off of cigs the same way..Haven't touched them since..Iam ready to keep track of my journey again now so here it goes..It took time to get where Iam at now so it will take time to change..Iam getting stronger which Iam proud of..Despite struggles Iam finding it easier to not binge or control when I do binge..I want to get into a strict diet though still heatlhy eating schedule so I can get this weight off asap but it will take time to get to that point..Right now Iam working on eating only every 2-3 hours which I believe I may continue as it seems to work for me..Keeps me more balanced and feeling good..I allow myself to eat till Iam very full as anything less feels too scarey..If an urge is extremely fierce and I feel like I have to eat or die I will make myself wait 30 minutes and sometimes it passes by then, then other times I have to allow myself to eat as I promised myself I could..It's all about adjusting..That is the key..I was use to eating alot and using food to cope with my problems..I can unlearn that..Right now Iam getting a major urge to eat chocolate which Iam waiting out..Iam hungry so Iam craving what is easily available which I have to work on not giving in on as it is usually junk food..As soon as I eat dinner I will decide than what to do next..Iam also working on eating slowly and enjoying the food..Also allowing between each bite for the food to actually go down..I find that I get fuller faster this way and feel more satisfied as well..Each week I take a new step..Making new goals to accomplish..Iam feeling better about my eating these days and feeling alittle less controled by food..Iam not giving it to those numbing binging anymore till I pass out from sheer exhaustion than I hate myself for it..Iam so glad those days are behind me..I expect as with any addiction there may be slip ups but i have the tools now to pick myself back up..

After I ate the chocolate craving had passed..

 

 

 

I didn't mean to actually post in wingding font..Was just playing..

Day one: Went well as I could expect today..Didn't do what I had intended but I certainly understand how hard it be be..Still did well considering..Tomorrow I hope to do better..I could elimate certain tings to make it certain but I like having it around if things get too hard..I feel challenged though..I feel like I have to face this fight to get where I want to go..I feel like Iam doing the right thing but it is a process and it takes time..

Day Two: Did very well..Iam very proud of myself....Feels so good to be able to focus on other things and not have my life revolve around certain things that only end up distroying me..My out look is different and I feel stronger..

Day 3:..Did okay..Not as well as I would have liked but okay enough..Some days are just like that..Tomorrow is a chance to try again..I can do this!..I know it is extremely challenging but Iam strong..

It's nice that less food seems to satisfy me but that just means I get hungry more often which seems hard to deal with for some reason..Iam working on it..I suppose cause it is new and different..I have to adjust so it becomes the normal..

 

Last night I ate alittle too much..No horribly so but I was slightly uncomfortable..I just allowed myself to go through the "binge" but I made myself be ever so aware of what I was doing and how it made me feel..When I do this I can't go into numb mode and eat mindlessly which is the where the big problems lead to..I reached a point where I couldn't physically eat anymore though not overly so..Nothing like past binges..I just sat quietly and enjoyed the full feeling afterwards as there was something soothing about it and for once it was really satifsying..iam not sure what that meant but it was a nice feeling..I think part of my problem is I ate too fast and it took more to feel satisfied because of it..I have to allow myself to enjoy the food and take smaller bites..It is a complicated process..Many ppl may just eat and not think about it..No big deal to them but not to me..this is my struggle but iam working on it..

 

iam learning where comfortable hunger is..where comfortable full is..its relearning everything..iam just letting my body guide me through it..trusting that my stomach knows best..lol..iam learning not to be afraid of hunger and to feel comfortable with it..to still be able to eat and be in control if i allow myself to get too hungry..iam learning that it's okay to not eat everything on my plate..if iam full it is okay to toss the rest or save it for another time..eating it when my body doesn't need it is wasting is as well..

 

it is a challenging adventure but iam struggling to get through it all the best i can..

Iam pleased with how I have been doing..Everything isn't rosey and there are struggles but Iam making great progress with alot of work!..I have been losing weight slowly but surely and ppl at work are noticing even more so now..Everyone wants to know how Iam doing it and are always surprised to find out that I have cut out meat..One asked how much I have lost and called me Miss Skinny..lmao..Yeah right but it felt good anyway..Yaaayyyy me!!!!!!!!

Breakfast: Grits..toast/jelly and OJ..

 

Lunch: Peanut butter/jelly sandwich and some rice concoction(lol)..

 

Dinner: Cheese pizza and salad with lemon juice(YUM)..

 

 

Lots and lots of water!

Bought some new smaller clothes today!..Wooo Hooooo..Yiippeeeee!..Yay me!

 I figured it's time to add to this thread..It looks so sad here..I haven't given up..I have still struggled..I have decided to cut out chocolate completely for a very long time..How long I don't know..A year?..Everything I have tried to help myself lose weight..All the tools I have used..All work to a point but they don't take me to were I want to go..I lose some weight and than gain it back..Will power hasn't been enough..I don't know if I will ever be able to eat chocolate normally..If Iam able to I imagine it will be few and far inbetween..It won't be at every meal like I have done..It would be more like once a month..Course after a year I may have no interest in it anymore..I may eat it after a year and feel that out of control feeling again..If that should happen I will cut it out forever..I will NOT gain back any weight that I will lose..I don't know what will happen..All I know is right now I can't eat it without triggering me to binge on everything in sight..It's not a realization I want to come to..I love chocolate..I have gone 3 days without it which is like huge for me..The most I have ever gone without it was 2 weeks and that's when I tried this before.I won't let myself come up with any excuses this time..I can't deny it anymore..It's definitely a problem for me..It took me over a week to get 3 days in with no chocolate which is were Iam at now..Iam on day 3 soon to be day 4..I feel good..It was so hard at first..It still is but that first day was really rough..The bs I was telling myself to make eating chocolate okay was tough to ignore but I did it..At least I can recognize it as bs now..It's the addiction talking..The headaches I was having have finally stopped..Once I cut out chocolate food has lost the appeal it once had..It doesn't taste as good without it..It's like chocolate was the motivation for the binges..Chocolate was such a major trigger food for me..If I eat it I eat everything else..Every binge includes chocolate..It made me crave food so bad!..I have gotten myself use to eating less food and I feel fine..I have gotten use to feeling hungry cause, of course, that goes with it..It's all about adjusting..I had to get through the panic mode of feeling like I was starving when Iam not..Iam eating enough for what I want to weigh which is a hell of alot less than what I weigh now..My stomach has gotten smaller..I can't eat the same amounts at one time that I use to before..Being on vacation made it easier..Less stress..Time to get use to it..Iam going to count calories and eat 6 small meals a day..I can't trust eating until iam full cause I eat too much..I think I may start out at no more than 1800 cals a day..See how it goes..I may cut back to 1500-1200 but no less..Iam excited..We will see cause with work Iam going to need more cals..I also want to get Sunni into a daily walk routine..Preferably twice a day so that will require more energy..I will figure it out as I go..Iam just glad I feel like I have total control..Iam glad I have finally accept this as my problem..It will make everything else so much easier..I love chocolate but it isn't worth it..I love myself more!..I really need to get rid of this weight..Iam sick of being tired all the time..Iam sick of alot of stuff..It's killing me..I deserve to be healthy!..I need to buy new scales again..When I get into a routine I will begin weighing myself weekly and writing my progress in here..