When it appears that you have killed the monster,
NEVER check to see if it's really dead.

Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.

Never stand in, on, above or below a grave, tomb, or crypt or mausoleum. This would apply to any other house of the dead as well.

If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the time to move in with the in-laws. This applies to houses that had previous inhabitants who went mad, committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house and I"m not talking about those that are just Satanists or was once a church used for black masses.

Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke and this includes Ojuia boards.

Do not fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you're doing.

Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out.

If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and find out that it is just the cat, leave the room immediately if you value your life.

If appliances start operating by themselves, do not check for short circuits and the circuit breaker hasn't been tripped and it isn't raining outside, just prepare to move out!

If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, excorise them immediately. It will save you a lot of trouble in the long run. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else's voice. And this doesn't include religious practices.

If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness among other things, kill them immediately. If they are just sick or in a PMS mood, then that does not count. Goth does not fall in this category.

When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off and go it alone. Adopt the buddy system.

As a general rule, do not solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

If you find a town which looks deserted, there is probably a good reason for it. Do not stop and look around. Just take a hint and go away. Not including Ghost Towns because those towns are friendly.

If you are running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running so fast and the monster is merely shambling along, it is still moving fast enough to catch up with you.

When trying to escape from a serial killer, never run UPstairs.

Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws or any devices made from deceased companions. If that was Leatherface, your a goner.

Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog, the Bermuda Triangle or any small town in Maine thanks to Stephen King.

If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to the nearby deserted looking house to phone for help because you might encounter another Jeepers Creepers. If you think that it is strange because you thought you had half of a tank, just shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and most likely be eaten. If you are blonde, this does not apply to you.