You might be a Redneck Pagan if...

* If you think "widdershins" refers to the calves of the bereaved lady next door....

* If you think fetch deer is a command you give yer dawg....

* If you think a goblet is a young turkey....

* If you think Drawing Down the Moon means demolishing the outhouse....

* If you call your coven mates "Bud" and "Sis"....

* If you think a Great Rite is turning onto County Road 13....

* If your Quarter candles smell like kerosene....

* If you pronounce "Athame" as "Athaym" and "Samhain" as "Sammon" or "Sam-hayn"....

* If you think a "Sidhe" is a girl....

* If your idea of the "Goddess" is the Coors Swedish Bikini Ski Team....

* If your Bard plays the banjo....

* If your 'Long Lost Friend really IS....

* If your lawn is decorated with at least one, preferably two or more, plastic pink flamingos, whom you regard as your familiars....

* If your Wand of Power is a cattle prod....

* If your ceremonial belt has your name on the back and a belt buckle bigger than your head....

* If you call the Quarters by invoking "Billy, Joe, Jim and Bob"....

* If you call the Gods by hollerin' "Hey y'all, watch me!"....

* If your favorite robe has the logo of a manufacturer of major farm equipment on the back....

* If you've ever harvested ritual herbs with a weed wacker....

* If your ritual staff is a double barrel shotgun....

* If your ritual garments include any one of the following: plaid flannels, long johns, a pistol belt, or cowboy boots....

* If you've ever blessed chewing tobacco or snuff....

* If your ritual wine is Maddog 20/20, Night Train or White Lady 21....

* If the instructions to get to your Covenstead include the words "After you turn off the paved road"....

* If your altar-cloth is a rebel flag....

* If you use junk cars to mark the four corners of your circle....

* If your Eternal Flame just happens to be under a still....

* If you use an engine block for an altar....

* If your High Priestess is your cousin - as well as your wife....

* If, when drawing down the moon, you say, "Ya'll come on down, ya hear?"....

* If your pickup truck has an Athame rack....

* If your crystal ball is made of polystyrene (i.e., a bowling ball)....

* If your High Priestess has a spittoon on her altar....