Be Thankful
I want to wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving. But also, in thinking about this day and what it means to me, I decided to write it down. I sincerely hope that you all give some thought to what I say.
When I was growing up, my family celebrated all the usual holidays. And sure, the history of each holiday was taught either in the home or school, or both. But as I think most families are.. Thanksgiving was just a day to hang out with family, eat tons of good food, watch football, etc. etc.
When I was 10, my parents got divorced. My mother, brother and I moved about 300 miles away, to the northeast corner of Oregon, while my dad stayed where he was further south in Oregon. To travel between these two places, there were several mountain passes to go over, so needless to say winter travel could be a bit scary! But my brother and I did go to see our dad for some of the holidays.. taking the ever trusty Greyhound bus, lol.
Then, when I was 16, my mom died. Thankfully, after much discussion, my dad let me live on my own. It wasn't that I didn't want to be with him�? it was that I didn't want to leave what had become my home. It was a rough time, and for a couple of years, seeing my dad was few and far between as usually I could not even afford the gas or a bus. And in my pride, I didn't want to have to ask him for money each time to come see him (silly things our pride can make us do).
When I was 18, I did go live with my dad for 5-6 months. It was a hard time for me personally. I was full of extreme anger and hurt, as well as confusion on what to do with my life, etc. etc. etc. (the anger and hurt part is an entirely diff story, lol). Needless to say, it wasn't easy on either of us. I had been pretty headstrong for years already, and then having lived on my own for a couple of years, it was pretty hard to deal with his rules. I eventually moved to the Portland area�?once again about 300 miles from where my dad lived, just in a different direction. And as an added problem, my dad and I had not parted on good terms. Not good at all. So it was awhile before I went to see him again.
In time, things got better. Both financially, and between my dad and I. I finally had a car again, but little money to spend. So I started spending my "vacations" with my dad and step-mom. Basically all I needed was gas money to get there and back. I will say right now, it was the best thing that could have ever happened.
But there were still lots of mountain passes, and winter travel as usual, could be treacherous. So I decided, I would spend each Thanksgiving with my dad and step-mom instead of Christmas. The roads were not as bad in November as they could be in December, and the added bonus was that my birthday was at the same time. So that it how it went. I would try to make it to see them twice a year, but if I could only go once, it was always at Thanksgiving.
As the years passed, it became more and more special to me. Each time I went, I was more and more thankful for the time I had with them. And then I got to a point where I could always take 2 vacations a year. So we would spend a couple weeks in the summer hiking through the mountains, and then Thanksgiving together as well. The time I spent with them came to mean more to me than anything else I did in my life. When we would hike through the mountains, I would find more peace and contentment in my life than any other time. At Thanksgiving I would feel so blessed and thankful that I had them in my life.
I don't even remember which Thanksgiving it was, but at one of them, as we sat down to eat, I told them I wanted to say a few things. We always told each other that we loved each other, missed each other, and so on. But I wanted to say more. So I told them how I felt about them, and as I did the tears would not stop. I told them how I loved them so very much, how much I appreciated them, and how thankful I was. I told my dad that the best thing that -ever- happened to me, was that when I was adopted, I was adopted by him and mom. That I wouldn't have traded them for any other family in the world. (Yes.. both my brother and I were adopted when we were babies). I told my step-mom how grateful I was that she had come into our lives, and that she and dad had a love that most only dream about. I told them as much as I could, and I only wish I could have found the words to tell them all I felt.
Then the time came that I moved to Alaska. It was one of the most exciting times in my life, but also one that haunted me endlessly. Ever since my mom had died, I had become literally terrified of the day my dad would die. I wanted every moment I could have with him. I had lost so much when my mom died, and I didn't want to lose that with him as well. I spoke of this fear to those closest to me, as I said... it haunted me endlessly. And I went "home" as often as I could to see my folks. But it was never enough. My heart ached for the times we used to spend in the mountains and at Thanksgiving. But I had a new life here, and it held a good future for me, and I knew I needed to stay.
The years passed, and then the day came that my worst fear came true. And to make it even more horrible, I was not able to get to my dad before he died. I felt robbed. I felt cheated. And most of all, I felt so much guilt and regret for all the time lost that I could have spent with him.., had I not moved here.
It has been 4 years now since my dad died (Dec. 13th), and just writing this, is an extremely difficult thing to do. I just can't tell you all how much my heart hurts right now, and how much the tears still burn.
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This has been difficult for another reason as well. I am a very open person. But I am also a very private person when it comes to certain things in my life. I do have several people here who I love very much, but even with them�?it takes me a long time to open up on certain things in my life. As one dear friend said of me recently "it has taken me 3 years to be as close as I am to you".
But I feel this is truly important. So when I woke up this morning, and started thinking about this day and what it means to me... I decided it was time to write about it. And as difficult as it is, I am sharing it with all of you in hope that it makes everyone out there look into their hearts, and about what means the most to them in their lives.
This is my wish for everyone, not just on this day, but in every day of your life.
Be Humble
Everyone should have a bit of humility in their life. Not as in being "humiliated", but as in being humble. To realize that all of us have feelings. No one is any better than anyone else, we are just different is all�?So have a bit of humility in your heart and your life. I promise you, it will make you appreciate everything so much more.
Be Caring
In other words�?have a heart. Don't be a selfish person. Yes, we all have to take care of ourselves, but try doing a bit for others as well�?something even as simple as saying "I care" and then following it up by doing something that shows you really do care.
Be Generous
Always strive to be generous. Be generous with your heart, with your time, and with your love. I think people have forgotten this simple little thing, that in the end�?means so much if we find it within ourselves to do so. Again�?I promise you, it will bring much more into your life than you ever would have imagined.
Be Thankful
Always be thankful. Always take the time to appreciate what you have�?even if you don't have much, because there is always someone else who doesn't have what you do. So be grateful that you have what you do. And then…�?be sure to always tell those you are thankful for…�? Just how much they mean to you.
~Happy Thanksgiving everyone~
I hope it becomes as special of a day for all of you,
As it it to me....
PS: If any of you would like to share what I have written, in particular reference to the bottom part (the "Be" parts), that is fine with me. I truly do want everyone to think about these things. But those are my words, from my heart and mind. So please be respectful of that, and include that they were written by me. Thank you 
~BloodWolf�?/EM>
-aka- A.F.
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, that means alot to me coming from you.