When I excitingly started using a PC and was on the internet,  I was not prepared for the extent of personal emotions that can transpire between people. 

Big and I had totally opposite political points of views and had no fear of expressing ourselves openly in the group rooms. Name calling was not above, nor below us.  We fought dirty, sometimes.

 But, we also talked on IM often, and such subjects never came up.  What was posted in the group room ... STAYED... in the group room.

And, we became cyberbuddies.  And, we knew each other in that sense, well enough to know..."I have all night to listen, I have all night to talk, don't have much time, don't have any time and ...I have a headache, and just not in the mood.." 

I was sick in bed the weekend he died....  not in the mood. 

When we talked, sometimes I told him things I don't think I even told my bestest gf's.  And, felt comfortable about it....

.  but, if any of you have heard any strange stories about me from Big.....  Don't believe them. It was just the scotch.

The other evening I sat down at the 'putt putt puter' and was thinking, "hey, maybe a few mintues with Big before I go (back) to bed..still sorta sick...?    DUHHHHHHHHHH  Oh, Well. That ain't gonna happen anymore.

I've noticed that since my eyes seemed to have changed a bit, I put on my glasses and still move my face right up to the screen to read it.  Big always did that.  When he had his cam on I would watch him do that.  Geez, my eyes are as bad as his.    It's just one of those thoughts you get when you miss someone.