The Secret's in the Sauce

Image courtesy of Duke University Libraries Digital Collections

Edna: Margie, with Thanksgiving coming up, people's minds seem to be on what they're going to serve for dinner. Why, just the other day, Darcy Hawkins asked me for my cranberry sauce recipe.

Margie: Edna, I hope you didn't give it to her since you're no cook. If you made cranberry sauce you'd only do it to spite me. I hate that stuff.

Edna: More for me, then. And you can just hush up about my cranberry sauce, I'll have you know that it's always in demand at church suppers.

It did give me pause when she asked for the recipe though, since I never wrote it down. I cook like Mama did, from memory and by improvising. Here's what I came up with for Darcy, I hope it turns out well for her.

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Edna's Cranberry Sauce

1 12-ounce bag fresh cranberries, rinsed
3/4 cup water
1/4 cup orange juice
1/2 cup sugar (more or less to taste)
1 cup grated apple
1 cup coarsely chopped walnuts
orange zest (if desired)

In Corningware or enamel saucepan, combine the water and OJ. Using medium heat, stir the sugar into the liquid until it's dissolved. Add the washed cranberries to the mixture and turn heat on high. Stirring the berries occasionally, listen for the berries to start popping--this should take about 10 minutes or so. Once the berries begin to pop, stir the mixture occasionally and cook for about 5-10 minutes over high heat. (Cook for longer if you want the berries to break down more and your sauce to be thicker; the less you cook them, the more the berries keep their shape and consistency and the thinner your sauce is. However, if you are going to cook the sauce for more than 10 minutes, reduce the heat to medium to prevent scorching.) After you have cooked the cranberries as long as you want, remove from heat and add the apples and the walnuts (and orange zest, if desired). Let the sauce stand for about an hour before putting it in the refrigerator to chill, preferably overnight. Do not store in a metal container due to the high acid content of the sauce.

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Margie: Edna, you sully Mama's memory because she was a wonderful cook. What you call cooking would only be fit for pig slop.

You know what? It's not in demand at church suppers. People are just being mannerly to an old lady by taking some.

Edna: I suppose they were being mannerly by eating it all and coming back for seconds, too? Well that's just fine Margie, you don't have to eat any of my cranberry sauce when I make it for Thanksgiving dinner. Cousin T and will eat it all ourselves. Don't you think I'll share any of that pecan pie I'm making, either.

Margie: Thank you, Edna. That's right kindly of you.

Edna's Fun Friday on Sunday

Once again, it's time for Fun Friday here at the Basement.

Big-screen flibbertigibbet Carole Lombard with William Powell in "My Man Godfrey"

Edna: This may surprise some of you readers out there, but in my younger days I was a bit of a feather-brained flibbertigibbet. I simply had a lot of thoughts to express, so I talked--a lot--to everyone. (Well, Margie still complains that I talk too much, but then she's usually complaining about something so I barely even listen to her anymore. I'd advise you all to do the same). I've mellowed some in my old age, but I still have some days where the thoughts get to a-whirlin' around in my head. When that happens, I've just got to do something to calm down, or "center" myself (as those new-agey hipsters like to say).

When I get so that I can't even hear myself think, I sit down, close my eyes, and take a listen to this song. It never fails to remind me of who I really and truly am, deep down inside. I wanted to share it with you all today, I surely do hope that when you listen to it, it calms and soothes you as much as it does me.

Have a fun Friday!

Qualities of A Gentleman

Image Courtesy the NYPL Digital Gallery

Margie: I know a lot about gentlemen and I'm here to tell you what to look for if you want a real man.


1. A gentleman has honor. He is honest and his word is his bond. He doesn't lie, cheat, or steal and he's certainly not a criminal.

2. A gentleman has self control. He isn't abusive and he doesn't fly off the handle at the drop of a hat. He doesn't drink to excess or partake of any other vices.

3. A gentleman is kind, mannerly, and compassionate. He has a good upbringing and respects all humans and creatures. He never raises his voice and is comfortable in any situation.

4. A gentleman is chivalrous. He treats everyone with respect. He holds the door for a lady, never walks ahead of her, and is concerned for her feelings. If he says she's the only one for him then he means it.

5. A gentleman has a delightful sense of humor. He does not, however, tell vulgar jokes especially in mixed company. He laughs with you and not at you.

Edna, do you have anything to add? I doubt you've ever known a gentleman.

Edna: Margie, I suppose you're right. Folks, she's known more gentlemen than I have, so I suppose you'd best listen to her.

Margie and Edna's Thanks

Margie: Edna, I have a lot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving as I'm sure most people do. I hope our readers will share with us some of the things they're thankful for this holiday.

I am most thankful for my health. Having good health at our age might be considered a miracle. I try to eat healthy and drink my Special tea. That surely fights the germs.

I'm also grateful that I have a roof over my head and food to eat. I'm grateful for all my dear friends and everyone who visits us in the Basement.

What are you thankful for, Edna?

Edna: Well sister, I'm also thankful for all of our friends and family, and all of our lovely visitors here at the basement. You all keep two old ladies happy, so thank you.

I'm also thankful that as many bad things in this world that I've seen, I can still laugh. Laughter is the best medicine, you know, and it's kept me healthy and young at heart all these years.

M&E's TV Rant

Edna: Margie, I am plumb fed up, and for once it doesn't have anything to do with you.

Margie: In that case, Edna, tell me all about it. I'm all ears.

Edna: Thank you, Margie. I swan, I'm so upset about this, I think I might need a cup of special tea. Maybe two.

Those dang fool networks are at it again, they're canceling my favorite shows! First ABC decided that they weren't going to order any more episodes of Pushing Daisies (and we all know what that means). Then, NBC decided to get in on the act and they canceled My Own Worst Enemy. What's going to go next? Chuck? Fringe? Heaven forbid, Supernatural??

Margie, it's getting to the point that I don't even want to watch new shows any more. What's the point? I find something I like, and then the networks cancel it. It's all about the ratings and their advertisers, TV executives sure don't care about their real customers: the viewers.

Margie: I need special tea too because I agree with you and that's scary.

I mainly watch cable now and you should too. Cancel Supernatural? Edna, I'd make their life a living Hades. I'd put a voodoo curse on those idiots.

Maybe we should just rent some of those men movies. You know the ones.

Edna: Margie, you never cease to amaze me. And I don't mean that in a good way.

I think we'd better start looking up voodoo curses, because I have a feeling things on TV are going to get worse before they get better.

Margie: I'm with you, sister. How does The Margie and Edna Network sound?

Edna: Sounds good to me!

Margie Writes Santa

Dear Santa,

Margie here. I'm sorry we haven't spoken since 1947 but I've felt sure you never got over me turning down your marriage proposal. I hope you understand that I would never have defied my parents and they had many concerns about me marrying you.

First, Daddy said a gentleman would have a proper vehicle in which to come calling on a lady. A sleigh is not one.

Finally, all I want is this:




Merry Christmas,

Margie

It's Fruitcake Time




Margie: Folks, it's that time of the year again. You know what I mean. Yes, time to give those fruitcakes as gifts. Trust me when I say nobody wants them. Do yourself a favor and waste your money on something else.

People sure have made fun of poor old fruitcakes over the years. You know what I do like about fruitcake? If it wasn't for the fruitcake then we wouldn't have that old saying about somebody being "as nutty as a fruitcake."

Hey Edna, what do you think about fruitcake?


Edna: Oh Margie, you left yourself wide open on that one, but I'm going to take the high road and behave with some dignity. I must say, I'm not a big fan of fruitcake. But it is indeed a time-honored holiday tradition. You know, Mama had a recipe for fruitcake, it was for the kind that got soaked in rum for a month. Whoo boy, that would sure brighten up your holidays!


Margie: Get off your high horse, Edna. You left your dignity in San Francisco. Didn't think I knew about that did you ?

I could use some brightening up so I might just make Mama's fruitcake. It ought to be ready by New Year's Eve for my party.


Edna: You'd better serve that thing with black coffee and designate some drivers, because just one slice will make you see pink elephants.


Margie: Are we going to the circus? I love elephants, Edna.


Edna: Save some of that rum for the fruitcake, Margie.

Eggnog pie

Our Christmas- Part II



Margie: Everything makes you ill-humored. That reminds me. I got you a present.

Edna: Oh Margie, you did? It's a good thing that I got one for you, too.

Margie: I had to wrap it in a page from the Sears catalog. I picked the men's underwear page just for you.

Edna: Margie, you know me too well. I hope you like your gift, I didn't have anything to wrap it in but this old piece of muslin from my hope chest.

Margie: Hope chest? Remember when we used to open our presents after dinner? You'd put everything in that hope chest.

Edna: That's right; I used to put them there with all of my special things. Margie, do you remember the year that Mama and Daddy gave us those matching velvet dresses? We looked so nice going to church that year.

Margie: Well, I'm surprised the church was still standing after you went inside.

Edna: Margie, you take that back. I was only a little girl and besides, I hadn't met any of your husbands yet.

Margie: Hush up or no present you Fruit Loop.

Edna: Margie, where's your Christmas spirit? Your sense of goodwill towards others?

Margie: I have goodwill towards others. Just not towards you.

Edna: Margie, you know as well as I do that family is all we have left. You should cherish me, you old bat. Do you remember that year that Santa left you coal in your stocking? I bet that wasn't your favorite Christmas present, was it?

Margie: You got switches. My favorite present was the year Daddy gave me that puppy. I named her Daisy. Remember?

Edna: I do remember Daisy, she piddled all over my nice patent leather shoes, and she chewed up my new hat at Easter time. You taught her to do that, didn't you?

Margie: I did.

Edna: I knew it!

Margie: And it wasn't you who wet your bed.

Edna: I never thought I did, you old meanie. Here's my present for you, I know it's not much, but it's all I could do this year, what with the economy being the way it is. I crocheted you a cozy for your hot water bottle. It's even your favorite color, pink. It's not jewelry, but it will keep you warm on these cold Kansas nights.

Margie: Thank you, Edna. I bought you this necklace with an angel on it. It's to remind you of Supernatural, your favorite show.

Edna: Thank you Margie, that was very sweet of you. Do you have a Christmas wish?

Margie: I do. I wish for peace and an end to our country's economic hardships.

Edna: You know what Margie? That's my wish, too. Merry Christmas, sister.

Margie: Merry Christmas, sister. Goodnight.

Commodity Foods

Margie: Well, I swan. Look here, Edna. Here's an article about commodity foods. That sure does bring back memories. It makes me hungry too.

Do you remember Daddy taking Grandma to pick up her food every month? She'd get that good cheese and you and I would see who could eat the most. She'd get rice and beans and nonfat dry milk too.

Edna, the program is still going but I bet the food isn't as good as it used to be. If things keep going like they are we may all be back to cooking over the fireplace. Maybe I should run for President?

Edna: Margie, Lord help us all if you should run for President. You'd fill your cabinet with handsome men who had more looks than brains, and then where would our country be?

I do remember Grandma getting her government food, especially the cheese and the real butter. She used to say that it was one way that the government took care of its citizens. And you know, that free food got a bad reputation over the years, but it was always quality food and you can't beat that.

Margie: A cabinet full of men? You're just saying that to distract me, Edna.

Where was I ? Oh, that's true for sure. The government used to take care of its citizens and now the citizens take care of our government.

Can we buy a churn, Edna ? I love real butter.

Edna: I think we'd better buy ourselves both a churn and a milking cow if you want real butter, because it's darn tootin' that the government won't handing it out any time soon.

Margie: And a nice gentleman to do the churning and milk the cow. I'll advertise tomorrow.

Edna: Just make sure he's young. And muscular.

Margie: That goes without saying, Edna.

Lucky New Year's Day food

Edna: Since we're coming up on New Year's Day, we'd best get to cooking Margie. You know Mama always said that there were some foods you should eat on January 1st to give you good luck. Remember how she used to make that big pot of black-eyed peas?

Margie: I do remember, Edna. Mama would put that hog jowl in that pot then we'd have onions with them when they were done.

I recall you never would eat the hog jowl. No wonder you never had much luck.

Edna: Margie, I don't see how hog jowls are lucky; they sure weren't lucky for the poor hog.

Another lucky New Year's food I've always wondered about is cabbage, which is supposed to be a sign of prosperity. Cabbage was never lucky for me, because it surely doesn't agree with me.

Margie: Cabbage doesn't agree with me either, Edna. I've eaten it in the past but I'm sure not prosperous in a financial way.

I do enjoy my greens though. Greens are supposed to be a symbol for cash but nobody ever told me how many to eat. Do you know?

Edna: Eat them all, Margie, I can't stand greens.

You know, one food that is supposed to be unlucky on New Year's is any kind of fowl, like chicken. That's a shame, because I sure do have a hankering for some Kentucky Fried.

Margie: Edna, are you sure about that? The Colonel never told me that when we were dating!

I sure could eat some of those mashed potatoes and gravy about now. I believe they'd make me feel lucky .

Edna: Well, you'd best head on into town and pick some up then. Don't forget the biscuits.

Margie: Kiss my grits, Edna. I'm calling Cousin T.

Edna: You know, one of these days that boy is going to get tired of running errands for us. I hope it's not before he brings back our chicken dinners, though.