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| | | From: Doc19605 (Original Message) | Sent: 3/1/2008 12:11 AM |
YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2007 when...
1. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.
11. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
12. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
13. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
14. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.
AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.
Go on, forward this to your friends. You know you want to!! And Yes, I was laughing and I did scroll back to see that there wasn't a #9 *********************************************************** A FIREMAN came home from work one day and told his wife,
"You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station:
BELL 1 rings and we all put on our jackets,
BELL 2 rings and we all slide down the pole,
BELL 3 rings and we're on the fire truck ready to go
"From now on when I say
BELL 1, I want you to strip naked..
When I say BELL 2, I want you to jump in bed.
And when I say BELL 3, we are going to make love all night.
"The next night he came home from work and yelled,
"BELL 1!" The wife promptly took all her clothes off.
When he yelled
"BELL 2!", the wife jumped into bed. When he yelled
"BELL 3!", they began making love.
After a few minutes the wife yelled
"BELL 4!"
"What the hell is BELL 4?" asked the husband?
"ROLL OUT MORE HOSE," she replied, "YOU'RE NOWHERE NEAR THE FIRE." 
***************************************************************************************** THREE OLD LADIES NAMED MAXINE, MAUDE, AND MABLE WERE SITTING ON A PARK
BENCH HAVING A CONVERSATION WHEN A FLASHER APPROACHED FROM ACROSS THE
PARK.
THE FLASHER CAME UP TO THE LADIES, STOOD RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM, AND TO
THEIR SHOCK AND DISMAY, OPENED HIS TRENCH COAT TO DISPLAY HIS GLORY TO
THE OLD LADIES. MAXINE IMMEDIATELY HAD A STROKE. THEN MAUDE ALSO HAD A STROKE. BUT MABLE, BEING OLDER AND MORE FEEBLE, COULDN'T REACH THAT FAR  *********************************************************************************************************** Women's Life Cycle
At 8 -- You take her to bed and tell her a story.
At 18 -- You tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28 -- You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
At 38 -- She tells you a story and takes you to bed. At 48 -- She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58 -- You stay in bed to avoid her story. At 68 -- If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!
At 78 -- What story??? What bed??? Who the hell are you???
****************************************************************************************************** OLD LADIES---------CONDOMS
Two old ladies
are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Maude: What in the hell is that?
Mabel: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Maude: Where did you get it?
Mabel: You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.
"Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel."
The pharmacist fainted.
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