Now that all the confusion is cleared, we know that Jake was hopped up on Vicodin when he gave his statement last night. Hence why the 'I'm going to retire, nah nah nah boo boo' attitude. Feeling better from last night, I [Paul Lombardi] got Jake on the phone as we had a little conversation about his injury to the recent developments within the W2K, PWT and of course his future.

PL: Jacob?

JM: What's up?

The sound of crunching was heard - He was snacking on Freetos.

PL: Hey Jake, feeling better?

JM: Not really. But what can I say? I'm sober today.

PL: First question.. How long are you expected to be out for? The doctor said that three to four weeks, but we've all seen athletes come back way before they was alotted to.

JM: Honestly, I love the W2K. I may hate more than half of the people there but that little place in San Antonio was the only place I was able to call home since I got into this business. When I said that I was probably gonna buy out my contract, I was thinking long-term - Like.. Ten years from now.

Crunching continues.

PL: So no expected return date?

JM: Nope. But the doctor can blow himself if he thinks I won't be working out cause this little injury with my shoulder or appearing on W2K Programming. It'll take more than that to keep me away.. Maybe like Syphillis or something.

PL: .. Right.

Crunch.. Crunch.. Crunch.

PL: You said that you were proud of JT for winning the title.. Why is that?

JM: Cause if you look back, there's no-one besides Cross.. Cain or even Nic that deserves that title more than JT does. I'd usually put myself before anyone else but not this time. Yeah, I've got humility, go blaze that all over newspapers.

You could tell he was indeed sober and in a straight state of mind of how witty he was.

PL: When you.. If you co-

JM: No 'if's.' I'll be back.. I'll be back.

PL: Okay, when you do come back are you gonna be shooting for the W2K Title?

JM: Does a bear eat trees?

PL: .. No.

JM: Koala Bears does, you idiot. Meaning, yeah I'll be gunning for the title when I come back. It doesn't matter if JT or CM has it.. That title is eventually gonna be coming back home with The Prodigal Son.

PL: What's your thoughts of Hamid banning and acting on that ban of anything Pro-WallStreet?

He crunched on a few chips as he was heard chuckling before shouting something that wasn't able to be made out.

JM: OH YEAH! AFTER THIS! EAZAY!

The shouting was loud.

PL: Ja.. Jacob?

JM: No, I hate McKnight and Stevenson and Typhoon.

PL: Huh?

JM: You said something about the Impact Title right?

PL: No.. I was talking about WallStr-

JM: I SAID WHEN I'M DONE WITH THIS INTERVIEW, GOD DAMMIT! STOP YELLING ALREADY! My bad, what's up Paul?

PL: WallStreet?

JM: Oh, that guy. I think it's funny what Hamid is doing to him, 'cause it's not like he doesn't deserve it. The guy is trying to play the megastar angle still doing those simulcasts. Once is enough.. Maybe twice, but after that it's annoying. The guy has done it about eighty eight times and each time he gets the locations wrong. I didn't know Hong Kong was in Japan. When did the world revolve it's country capitals? Is Washington DC the capital of Canada now?

PL: Don't think so..

JM: My point exactly.

Switching gears to something he knew a lot about but had very little to speak on - The Impact Title.

PL: What do you think of the current situation regarding the Impact Title?

JM: It's alright, nothing specia. Although no-one that's held that title since my reign has done that title any justice. I should rewin it and retire it already. Even with a messed up shoulder I could still put on a better performance than anyone else in that division. Hopefully someone steps up, tries to beat my reign so I'll have a reason to smack that person back to their place and win the title back.

PL: And.. The question people are wondering.. When are you planning on coming back. Not just to the ring, but to the W2K?

JM: I'll be at RAGE.. But I think I might do some ground-breaking stuff after that. I'll always be W2K, til the day I die. But I think that I've gotta go 'mythbusting..'

He laughed, knowing NED would try to sue him for using his trademarked - now anyway, move. Though too bad TLC already has a show on it.

JM: I'm a pretty creative guy.. I've got some stuff to do while I heal. I should be back in the ring soon, I won't be away too much. Next time I do get hurt though, make sure you keep the Vicodin bottle away from me or I might tell you I'm marrying Carmen Electra or something.

PL: Thanks for the interview Jacob and we look forward to seeing you back!

JM: No problem. And to everyone out there.. GO BUY THE DOCTOR'S ADVOCATE! DON'T WORRY ABOUT SMACKDOWN VERSUS RAW TWO-THOUSAND AND SEVEN! THE GAME HAS TO SELL A MILLION COPIES OKAY?! OKAY! EAZAY!

And like that.. He slammed the phone down on our ears leaving us wondering when exactly he was going to return.

- Lombardi