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!!F3AR TEH G00N!! |
[The cameras fade in at a W2K house show. A house show? When was the last time one of these aired? Does anyone even bother watching these anymore? Regardless, we fade into the arena where there's a smaller then usual crowd seated. They're obviously bored, with nothing much better to do. Joey & Trunks are off tonight, so we'll have to deal with a lack of commentary. A pity.]
"Ladies and gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for one fall. Already in the ring, hailing from Oklahoma...NUCKIN FUTTS!" [Bit of a mixed reaction from the crowd. And then...the organ hits. One of the oddest themes ever, "Hit Somebody (The Hockey Song)" by Warren Zevon hits the speakers. Joshua MacIssac, known as The Goon walks out. He raises the hockey stick in his right hand, as he walks down to the ring in his pants and hockey jersey.] "And his opponent, hailing from Saskatoon, Saskatchawan, Canada...THE GOON!" [The Goon steps into the ring and lays the stick down in the corner. Futts & Goon are about the same size, so the match should be interesting. The bell rings, and Futts looks for a lock up. The Goon steps back however, and mouths "what the @#! you doing?". He & Futts exchange some words, before Goon nails him in the side of the head with a jab. He backs Futts into the corner, punching him repeatedly. But the ref breaks it up, and shouts at The Goon about closed fists. Again, he seems confused. It's obvious he's got a lot to learn.] [As he turned around to go back to Futts, he gets nailed with a big boot. Futts makes the cover, and the ref counts. One...two...Goon kicks out! Nuckin lifts Goon up by the head, and whips him to the ropes. He looks for a clothesline, but Goon ducks underneath. He bounces off the opposite ropes and hits Futts with a spear. Well, it's more like a tackle. He starts to stomp on him, before picking him up again and dropping him with a DDT. The Goon covers now. One...two...Futts kicks out! Goon is on his knees, trying to figure out how he's supposed to win if the guy won't stay down.] [Futts gets up, and The Goon is able to hit a jawbreaker. This sends Futts stumbling back to the corner. Goon comes over and chops him in the chest a few times, Ric Flair style. He then grabs him, as if he's gonna do a scoop slam. He turns around, and then drops Futts right on his head, nailing a Juvi Driver...or as he calls it, "The Three Game Suspension". He covers Futts again...one...two...three!] "Ladies and gentlemen...your winner by pinfall...THE GOON!" [He gets up, and the ref grabs his hand to hold it up. Goon leans in and asks him what he's doing. The ref explains that he won, and that his arm has to be raised. Goon grins, and lets the ref do so. "Hit Somebody" hits again, as we fade to black.] |
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