RAGE Review [#119 - December 18th, 2006]

Opening Segment 1:

RAGE opens with the sound of Hamid Isamli coming to the ring. Fans are showing a mixture of appreciation and disdain, but for the most part, the W2K fans know who butters the W2K bread and they're anxious to know what Hamid is here for. Hamid enters the ring with a smile and a microphone, observing the fans who came to see his show.

Hamid Ismali: "Silence, you fools. My name, for the newer fans who have recently changed the channel from FWA, is Hamid Ismali. I am a man who has been accused of malice, murder and terrorism- but you can imagine my surprise when, earlier today, I was accused of running a poor product. Those weren't the exact words, but when I'm informed that ratings have dropped slightly in the last two weeks, that is how I take it- as a personal insult. So tonight, I intend to fix that problem. Tonight, every stop is being yanked out by its teeth."

The fans pop for Hamid. All of them. Who doesn't want to see a good show?

Hamid Ismali: "Tonight, you will see hot rivalries get even hotter. You will see newer rivalries twisted and manipulated into bitter feuds. You will see your favorite stars, as well as the debuts of new stars. And, as a special treat, you will be seeing the kind of lawless W2K-style that has been put on the backburner in recent weeks. Tonight, W2K has no laws, no rules, and more specifically, no disqualifications. Some call that extreme, but I call it the natural order. Enjoy the show, you fools, for if ratings don't go up, I'm taking hostages."

Hamid glares at a chubby fan in the front row. He slides his thumb against his throat menacingly.

Hamid Ismalli: "I promised you that hot feuds would get hotter- and so tonight's main event will do just that. Christian and Amber Michaels will tag team tonight against the team of Serenity and W2K Champion, JT Kash!"

The fans pop for the announcement, and there's a chant in the background for a certain three numbers that should be familiar to longtime W2K fans. Hamid disreguards the reaction, pressing on.

Hamid Ismali: "Moving forward, Cross has been forced to take a week off due to his nagging injuries- so Skylar will defend his XW Championship! As per his request, the stipulation and opponent will be announced later tonight. Not only that, but after the events of last week with my show being overrun by females- those females will be competing to see who will be taking on Tyna Hilton when Wrestlegeddon rolls around. Isabel, Summer Stratus and the debuting Rebecca Rancid will compete in a Ladder Match, with the contract for Wrestlegeddon's Championess match hanging in the balance."

Hamid nods upward, where the Championess Title is already hanging from the rafters.

Hamid Ismali: "But for now, Latino Diablo will defend the Impact Championship against Ace Hart. That match begins now."

Impact Championship
Latino Diablo vs Ace Hart:

Diablo begins the match with a quick Head-Scissor that takes down Ace, stunning him. Ace isn't pleased, but Diablo is fast enough to avoid his punches and clotheslines. Ace pays for his accuracy with a kick to the back of the head from Diablo. Diablo headbuts him several times like a maniac before flying off the ropes and leaping, but Ace makes him regret his recklessness by planting him with a Samoan Drop. Ace spares no tiem getting to his ground game and working the legs of Diablo to keep him grounded. He tries to work a Single Leg Crab, but Diablo breaks loose with a strong kick to the neck. Ace still has Diablo's leg, so Diablo hops up and nails an Enzuguri- but it hurts his leg.

Once Ace recovers from the kick, he's right back on the offensive with a chop block that takes Diablo down a peg. Ace clobbers his leg ruthlessly and gets a Leg Grapevine in. It's in for a while before Diablo is able to find the ropes, much to the delight of the fans. Ace doesn't give him long to enjoy the success. He plants Diablo with a Double Arm DDT for the first near-fall of the match. Ace whips Diablo to the corner and goes for a splash, but Diablo moves and Ace's chest hits the corner. Diablo does a crazy leap up onto the second rope and flies back with a moonsault- lands on his feet while catching Ace's head, and hits a reverse DDT. Whoa. Diablo wisely uses the time to catch a breath.

Both men are up to their feet, but Diablo's found new strength. He chops Ace back to the ropes and whips him. Ace comes running back, right into a Backflip Dropkick from the Impact Champion. Diablo jumps onto Ace's chest and starts stomping both feet, then drops into a knee drop and covers- two count. Diablo signals for the end, climbing up to the top rope. Unfortunately, his leg slows him down. Ace claws his way up, desperately yanking the top rope. Diablo falls and his leg gets the brunt of it. Ace climbs up to Superplex him down, but his attention is caught by XAW stumbling around outside the ring. He doesn't look like he knows where he is, but hey, who knows. Maybe you can ask the bottle of whiskey in his hand.

Ace makes the classic mistake of taking his eyes off his opponent, and Diablo takes advantage with a Sunset Flip off the top rope! He rolls it into a pinfall and gets the three count. Ace doesn't even care, at this point he's already rolling out of the ring to follow XAW to the back. Diablo shrugs and shakes the referee's hand while the fans cheer.

Winner by Pinfall: Latino Diablo

Backstage:

Ace Hart flies into the back, breathing fire. He's pissed. He looks around for Xander, but he appears to have stumbled away. Ace grabs the first guy he sees and spins him around.

Ace Hart: "Where the hell is he? Where's Walker?"

Joe Sixpack drops his coffee, narrowing his eyes.

Joe Sixpack: "YOU! I've been waiting for this, Dangerously!!!"

Ace rolls his eyes, sighing.

Ace Hart: "Oh, what now?"

Joe doesn't say another word. He leaps at Ace and the has to be pried off by nearby staff. Ace slaps his forehead, not having such a great night. Sorry buddy, it can't be Christmas every day.

Wrestlegeddon Championess Match Contract
Ladder Match
Summer Stratus vs Rebecca Rancid vs Isabel

The match begins fast, thanks to Rebecca coming out last and bringing the ladder into the ring with her. She's quickly stripped of her weapon by Isabel, then speared down by Summer. Isabel decides to set the ladder up while her two opponents slug it out. She gets all the way to the top before Summer and Rebecca each grab a leg and Double Powerbomb her back to the mat. Summer and Rebecca each climb a side and make their way towards the contract hanging over the ring. Once at the top, they throw fists hard at one another. Rebecca wins out, slamming Summer's face into the top of the ladder. She grabs Summer by the hair and flings her off the ladder to the ring below. Rebecca reaches up, but Isabel dropkicks the ladder and Rebecca plummets down and crashes.

Isabel barely gets a chance to stand back up before Summer grabs the ladder and shoves it full force. It cracks off Isabel's head and takes her out. Summer starts to climb the ladder, but Rebecca is getting back up, so Summer dives off and Moonsaults onto her! The crowd pops big. Isabel recovers and begins to climb the ladder. Again, she makes it to the top. Summer climbs the other side and sends punches into Isabel's stomach to keep her from reaching up. Unfortunately for both of them, Rebecca springboards off the ropes and catapults herself into the ladder. The ladder topples over and sends both Summer and Isabel downward. Isabel crashes hard and rolls out of the ring, but Summer manages to land in the corner of the ring, saving herself a lot of pain. Rebecca doesn't notice and sets the ladder back up. She climbs, but Summer grabs her from behind and nails the Summer Breeze, a German Suplex off the ladder. Summer is dazed, so she's easy prey for Isabel's Good Night Kiss- an RKO.

Isabel goes for the ladder, but Rebecca spins her and delivers her Parental F**king Advisory, yet another RKO. Rebecca stands to grab the ladder for herself, but she hardly notices Tyna Hilton slide into the ring. Tyna blasts Rebecca with the Championess Title! She climbs the ladder unopposed and takes the contract down. Without even being involved in the match, Tyna takes the contract to the back as the other girls begin to recover and realize what just happened. The Championess has taken their title shot, and now she holds all the cards! Summer, Isabel and Rebecca don't look pleased at all to see their efforts wasted. Surely, this is not the end for Tyna Hilton.

Winner: No Contest

Backstage:

Teh Slax0rz is ch-ch-chillin in the backstage, like whoa.

PJ Curtis: "No match!"

Bob Pocket: "No storyline!"

They sigh, nodding at each other.

Both: "This is teh ghey..."

Cross walks up, looking upset.

Cross: "At least you two are on the show."

PJ Curtis: "So are you, duh."

Cross: "What? You mean they're taping you two doing nothing?"

Bob Pocket: "It's our gimmick!"

Cross scowls, walking off.

Cross: "Get a new one."

XW Championship
Invitational Challenge
Skylar vs ???

Skylar comes out with the XW Title. It should be noted that the ropes have been replaced with barb wire.

Skylar: "I'm sick of sitting around with no challengers for my belt. I refuse to be ignored, so I'm going to handle this myself by inviting anyone from the back to challenge for my title. I've also taken the liberty of choosing my own stipulation- barbed wire ropes. Let's see if anyone has the balls for a match like that. I doubt it, but if you do, come on out."

Tim Torn's music hits for a huge pop. Skylar shrugs, ready to fight. Torn comes all the way to the bottom of the ramp before he's stopped by the sound of Cross' music hitting. Skylar points and yells, reminding the referee that Cross cannot compete tonight.

Cross: "Don't worry, dipshit. I'm not here to wrestle. I'm here because Tim Torn isn't the only one who wants to fight tonight. I'm sure you'd rather be wrestling me, right? Well Tim Torn does not equal Cross, no offense. So I had Hamid throw in a few extra opponents for you. Well, he added one other opponent- the other guy just kind of stumbled into the room, so Hamid added him too."

Cross steps aside as Michael Angelucci runs down the ramp, followed by a staggering Xander Allen Walker. Skylar isn't too pleased at all, but Cross is already gone and the decision looks permanent. Torn and Angelucci slide into the ring and collide with Skylar, who becomes overwhelmed with both challengers. Torn uses his Brolly Clothesline to push Skylar to the corner, and Angelucci finishes the job with a splash and then Skies Edge, his Angle Slam. Skylar rolls to the outside, but comes face to face with XAW- who smashes a beer bottle over his head.

In the ring, Torn and Angelucci lock up. Angelucci pushes Torn back to the ropes. The barbed-wire pierces him and Torn yells, using the anger to spin Angelucci around and shove him into the wire. They break up the lock and start hitting each other. Torn nails a knee to the gut and follows it with a Riot Kick to Michael's face. Torn goes for a pin, but no dice. XAW gets in the ring and brings a cane with him. Torn gets his face knocked off, but XAW doesn't seem interested in winning so much as hitting anything that moves. Just for kicks, the referee gets knocked out too. Skylar returns to the ring with a chair and nails XAW in his gut. He goes up to the top rope and connects with "Cannabliss"! Skylar covers, but Angelucci breaks it up. Meanwhile, Xander rolls out of the ring.

Angelucci whips Skylar right into the ropes, but he doesn't release- so just as Skylar hits the barbed wire, Angelucci pulls him back and whips him to the other side. He repeats this a number of times before nailing his finisher, God's Fire, on Skylar! Torn comes out of nowhere, though, nailing his Mega Driver on Angelucci. Wisely, he pins Skylar- but Torn is ripped off from outside of the ring by... Rot?! Rot swings away with a steel chair and Tim Torn is down for the count. Rot leaves just as mysteriously as he came.

No sooner does Rot leave than Ace Hart flies out from the back. XAW is just on his feet before Ace takes him down again with a chair of his own. Ace goes wild with the damn thing, but XAW is laughing!!! Well, laughing and spitting blood, but still... shit.

Back in the ring, Angelucci has no idea what's going on around him. That proves to be bad news, as Skylar takes full advantage. Angelucci gets spun around and dropped with Skylar's "High Rise" powerbomb. Skylar makes the pinfall to retain the belt. Staff finally drags Ace away from XAW, who is still friggin laughing.

Winner by Pinfall: Skylar

Backstage:

JT Kash is backstage, warming up for his match. NED walks around the corner, and the two have no choice but to speak to one another. NED rubs his chin, looking at the W2K title as he speaks.

NED: "I couldn't help but notice there was a cage on the ceiling when I walked in this morning."

JT looks down at his belt, making sure it's good and shiny.

JT Kash: "Yeah, so?"

NED: "So... Hamid didn't mention a cage in his announcement earlier, and he didn't want to clue me in when I asked him about it. I don't think I need to guess too hard about why there's a cage on the ceiling. Last time, you put Christian into the hospital."

JT shrugs, still jumping back and forth, not looking concerned.

JT Kash: "Yeah, I guess I did."

Dangerously shakes his head, putting a hand on Kash's shoulder and putting the jumping to an end. He gives JT a stern look, making sure JT sits still long enough to pay attention.

NED: "Don't bring me into this if I don't need to be. You finally won a match that mattered, and that's great, you're Champ. It's been a long time coming for you- but the same goes for Chris, and it just so happens I've got an obligation to him. If that cage comes down tonight, I suggest you think hard about whether it's keeping someone in- or keeping someone out. I was enjoying the night off- so don't screw it up. Mmkay?"

JT grins, going to back to jumping and warming up.

JT Kash: "Sure thing, Nic."

NED groans and goes to walk off.

JT Kash: "Oh, and about Amber..."

NED stops, flaring his nose.

JT Kash: "You don't mind if she gets roughed up a little, do you? I would hate to... ruin your night off, if I'm quoting you right."

Nic keeps walking, and JT smiles and heads toward the curtain area.