[ Cameras return to the ring just as Jimmy Stryker is entering through the ropes. Caleb Tanner is already ready to go and it seems the two are set to compete. The fans look a little sleepy, but maybe it's just from all the turkey, who knows? Stryker and Joe pace around, awaiting the bell. ]

"The following contest is scheduled for-"

[ The ring announcer doesn't get much farther than that because he's drowned out by the sound of the entire arena singing along to Avenged Sevenfold's cover of "Walk" by Pantera. JT Kash takes his time walking out onto the stage, which only sends the crowd into further uproar since Kash wasn't scheduled to appear. Hey, he's the W2K Champion, he's obligated to show up at least once. ]

Joey: Folks, the W2K Champion is in the house and the homecrowd is on their feet and singing along. Kash doesn't seemed to be dressed for competition though, so I can only imagine why he's out here.

Jacob: Hopefully it's to cut a week's worth of promos. I guess he must have had lyrengitus or something.

[ Kash makes his way up the stairs and into the ring. He walks over to Tanner and looks him over. Joe is wary, but not wary enough. The fans pop loudly as JT Kash sneaks in a Stigma Killer and levels him out. ]

Joey: STIGMA KILLER! Kash just dropped Tanner, but why?

Jacob: Well isn't it obvious? Tanner must have stolen all of JT's promos for the week and made it look like JT was a lazy bastard.

[ Kash looks around, basking in the audience-approval. The only one not in approval is Stryker, who pounces on Kash from behind and knocks him into the corner. Jimmy blasts him with hard punches to the gut before grabbing his arm and whipping him to the ropes. Kash comes back fast and manages to duck a clothesline attempt, but Jimmy catches him on the rebound and throws him up high for a Pancake Slam. JT is faster though, and as he drops, he catches Jimmy by the neck and devliers a second Stigma Killer! ]

Jacob: Aha! I knew it! Tanner and Jimmy were in on it together. Shame on them for trying to make our W2K Champion look like a tool.

Joey: Err, right. Well Jimmy's out too, and we still don't know why.

[ Kash obliges Joey with an answer once he retrieves a microphone. The fans are chanting loudly, "JT Kash! JT Kash!". Kash grins that famous grin, surveying his own handiwork. ]

JT Kash: "I'll admit, I haven't said much lately. That's probably not a good thing, since my mouth is what got me over- and not in the same way that David Van Dam's mouth got him over. That was really more of an effort from his throat than his mouth, but moving along..."

[ JT stops to let the fans admire his banter. Of course, they do. ]

JT Kash: "It's come to my attention that there's been rumblings in the back. Although most of them are coming from Damien Destruction's bathroom, apparently some of those rumblings are coming from my fellow W2K superstars. Apparently, there's people back there who think they can do what I do- and do it better than I can do it. Ask Terri Lamin, Veronica Beck, Cardinal Synn, Miss Ashley, that goat from that one time, or any waitress at your local Hooters... no matter what city you live in... and they'll tell you first-hand that nobody can do what I can in quite the way that I do it. I've been told that my 'newborn fawn standing up for the first time' style of lovemaking is oddly erotic."

[ A big pop from the ladies in the crowd. For some reason. ]

JT Kash: "But aside from that, I've also been told that I'm the fastest-talking motherf**cker on the MSN circuit and that nobody holds a candle to me when I'm on a roll. Well I guess some of my fellow roster-members don't think I'm on a roll. They think I'm burned out and ripe to be taken down by a fresh upstart. That's cool guys, I mean, I'm still holding the W2K Championship and, as of yet, none of you have had the talent to take it off of me... but let's see if your rumors have any truth to them. Let's see who can do what I can do, and better yet, let's find out if any of you can do it better."

[ JT looks directly at the stage before continuing. ]

JT Kash: "I'm declaring an open invitational to anyone who thinks they can hold my jock for a week. As opposed to the traditional invitational style of 'first come, first serve', the entire roster is invited at once. This isn't a normal invitational either, since you won't be wrestling me- I think we all know how that would go. Instead, it'll be a test of wits. You put a promo out there trying to bash me, then I reply and rip you to shreds. The audience will cast their votes online and if you manage to score more votes than me, or in other words, if you call up all of your pimple-face e-geek friends to vote for your crap, then you'll win yourself a W2K Championship shot at a future date. Basically, if you can earn my respect on camera, maybe you're worth a sh*t in the ring. It was either this, or another DVD-rematch. Frankly, I've had enough of his homoerotic groping. Since literally *everyone* on the W2K roster has more talent than that dickhead, I picked all of you over him."

[ Kash leans over Jimmy Stryker, checking to make sure he's still breathing. He is. Darn. ]

JT Kash: "Oh, and guess what, sh*tbag? I'm personally making you the first entrant. If nobody else enters, at least I get to verbally degrade and berate you for a week. Here's to the future title-shot you have no chance of getting! Hey, since I'm in such a generous mood, your buddy Caleb Tanner over there is invited too. That's two douchebags, and any other takers can cut a promo and get in line. Just for legal safety: pregnant or nursing mothers, anyone with heart conditions, cancer patients, girlscouts, kittens and Christian Michaels need not apply."

Joey: Hmm, an open invitational to the entire roster? Kash must be pretty sure of his talents, but if anyone can pull off out-witting an entire roster of established stars, I suppose it would have to be JT Kash.

Jacob: No, you pronounced it wrong. It's "Ja-cob Mitch-ell". Not JT Kash.

 

[ "Walk" hits again and Kash drops his mic, holding up the W2K Championship and giving Jimmy a kick for good measure. Fans in the stands throw roses, eternally grateful for being spared the trauma of a five-minute Jimmy Stryker match. Rhya Michaels throws divorce papers instead. Kash walks back up the ramp as the scene comes to a close. ]