Herbs to Aid Grieving

by Meg McGowan

One month after surviving an unfortunate encounter with a raccoon, my best friend, my feline companion and familiar, Mopsy, has been diagnosed with heart disease. As is usually the case with cats, the diagnosis was precipitated by a crisis. His prognosis was guarded if his system tolerated the prescribed medication, which it did not. For the past week and a half I have experienced the ongoing process of trying to dialogue with Mopsy in an attempt to respond to his needs and desires rather than my own. Unlike other animal healthcare crises I have experienced, the answers have not been clear. Perhaps Mopsy has ambivalence about making his transition; perhaps it is my own difficulty in staying connected when I am in fear or pain. Or perhaps Mopsy's illness is to be as much of a transformational gift for me as the rest of his life has been.

The paradox I am wrestling with is how I can allow myself to be fully connected in love, knowing that loss may be imminent, and that it is always, eventually, inevitable. For me, the answer is that what exists in love becomes eternal. It will always be present as part of me and, through me, as part of the world. My grief is real, but avoiding grief and pain is not an option. Change is very often accompanied by grief, and to paraphrase Tennyson, it is better to mourn the loss of that which we have loved in this world than to mourn the passing of each opportunity to love. We will mourn one or the other.

For the last four days, my former house cat has spent virtually all of his time either on my screen porch or out in the yard, taking slow meditative walks through the lawn and garden beds before settling himself into a contemplative pose in a protected spot.

Mopsy is being supported by the earth. He is alive during these days outside in a way that he is not when he is indoors at night. I am being supported by the earth as well. Drawn outside to sit with him, to reassure myself that he will not wander too far afield, I am soothed by the movement of leaves, the touch of the breeze, the gentle interplay of light and shadow. The fresh violet and dandelion leaves in my lawn offer additional support. Another name for violets (Viola odorata) is heartsease -- pansies (Viola tricolor) may also be referred to by this common name. The leaves of violets or the flowers of pansies can help to ease emotional as well as physical afflictions of the heart. Dandelion (Taraxacum officinale) is cleansing both physically and emotionally. Dandelion works to unblock, keep things moving, and allow expression of emotions such as grief. Borage (Borago officinalis), marjoram (Origanum marjorana) and rose (Rosa spp.) are other plants helpful in times of grief. Borage and marjoram leaves and rose petals can be nibbled alone or in salads. Leaves and rose hips can be steeped in water for tea.

I have been using several flower essences including the Bach Flower Five-Flower Formula, which promotes calm in emergencies and helps to relieve anxiety. I find it is difficult, if not impossible, to make conscious decisions amidst the tumult of anxiety and fear. Saguaro (Carnegiea giganteus) is a flower remedy to allow trust and peace into the emotional experience. Angelica (Angelica archangelica) assists in calling on angelic realms for protection, support, guidance, and information. Other flower essences that may be appropriate include angel's trumpet (Datura candida), cerato (Ceratostigma willmottiana), holly (Ilex aquifolium), sagebrush (Artemisia tridentata), sage (Salvia officinalis), and sweet chestnut (Castanea sativa).

The essential oil of helichrysum (Helichrysum angustifolium, H. italicum or H. orientale), also known as immortelle, addresses many aspects of my current situation. It facilitates acceptance of change and grief, helps to alleviate confusion, and promotes calmness and understanding. Cypress (Cupressus sempervirens), frankincense (Boswellia carteri), rose (Rosa centifolia or R. damascena), and vetiver (Vetiveria zizanoides) essential oils enhance receptivity to wisdom while offering sustenance through grief and sorrow. Depending on the nuances of a changing situation, hyacinth (Hyacinthus orientalis), lavender (Lavendula officinalis syn. L. angustifolia), melissa (Melissa officinalis), or neroli (Citrus aurantium) are other possible choices for aid in processing grief.

As the days pass, I am trying to allow my consciousness to absorb and believe the truth of my experience, that a positive outcome is not synonymous with recovery. I am grateful for the support of the earth and of my spirit guides, including Mopsy. I am also grateful for my friends who have held me up when my heart was so heavy that I felt, like Mopsy, barely able to breathe or move.

DISCLAIMER:  Choosing a holistic approach to medicine means choosing personal responsibility for your health care. "Herbs for Health" offers a doorway through which to enter the realm of herbal healing, an invitation to further investigation on the part of the reader. It is in no way intended as a substitute for advice from a health care practitioner.