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| | From:  SweetCass22 (Original Message) | Sent: 12/6/2008 7:52 AM |
I know I have not been in here in a while. I have not had internet access for a period of time. To those of you that are aware of my situation I posted about a few months ago: I filed papers for divorce. It has taken a long road to get to where I am and this is the final decision. It was decided for me a couple weeks ago when I wanted to go for a girls night with my sister and her sister in law. I rarely if ever get the chance to do something like that so I decided to go. We went to dinner at a local Applebees then decided to go to a nightclub that we have been going to for the last few years. They go more often than I, but I have been a few times. I had a few drinks at dinner and proceeded to have A drink at the club. I was not driving, I had left my car at the restaurant because it was close to my house and I figured it would be okay. During the evening we danced with each other, different people that wanted to dance with us (no touching) and genuinely had a fun time. Not to mention that some stupid a$$ decided to "accidentally" spill a drink down my shirt. I did get home later than I probably should have, and found him waiting for me, asleep, on our couch in the livingroom. I attempted not to wake him up, and lay on the couch opposite of him, seeing as though I had not been in the bedroom for over a month at that point. He woke up, asked what time it was, and proceeded to argue. Calling me a "drunk" and using mean and hateful language. We argued for over an hour, and he then told me he wants a divorce, and makes me leave, not before physically removing me from the couch. I leave for 4 days, checking on my daughter through friends and acquaintances, trying to get into contact with him but with no success. I come back into town, we talk, decide this isn't going to work out, and he tells me he doesn't want me at "his" house. I have been staying at my sister's house and miss my daughter like crazy. I only see her in the mornings because I go over to his house before he goes to work and I get her ready for the day, and take her to his moms before I go to work. She is staying with him because I don't have anywhere for her, and all of her belongings and everything she knows is at that house. Until I am able to create a stable environment with an apartment of my own. He now says that he wants to "try" and "sees" all of his mistakes. He wants me to stop "grudging" and give him a "second" chance. This has become a pattern. We went through something similar 3 years ago before our daughter was here, and also a year after that. We forgave, forgot, and look where we are again. I am through.
Sorry to vent, to those of you that are familiar with what is going on: Do you think I am going about this the right way? I do NOT want to persue a relationship with him. I am finished. But if you have been in a divorce or similar situation, please feel free to offer any advice. It is dearly needed and will be taken to heart no matter how blunt or abrupt it may seem. I need the reality on this one folks... Thank you kindly in advance... (cringes..... waiting for response with closed eyes.... lol j.k) |
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A girls night out of course. Going to a bar, drinking and dancing no. Your marraige was in trouble anyway. Get a lawyer, he will tell you of your rights. |
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I know youve had your ups and downs for awhile now cass, you think youre at the end? Any hope left even if its slim? How much do you really want to end it? Is there any fire left burning? Its a really tough decision to call the end. Just one word of advice, think twice of the good and bad times, figure out which one has dominated the marriage, research your feelings without anger or hate and come to the final decision. Let logic prevail over emotions when the final thought arrives.. Good luck, its not an easy thing to do. i wish you a happy life and merry christmas also. Pete |
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At this point you have put yourself in a precarious situation by leaving the home of record and your daughter. Like it or not he can file abondonment. My best advice would be move back in and throw him out or if you leave again take her with. And sad to say but that is law a lawyer will tell you the same |
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| I have my daughter right now... I am trying to get an apartment together. I have thought logically for a while on this situation because when it has come to him I have been cut of emotionally for quite a while. I have thought of the good and bad times, and the bad times seem to outweigh the good. Though, the good times were good when they happened. I told him this evening, when I picked up my daughter, that he is a good man, good father, and a good person; but WE are not good together. We are just two different people that have very different views on what should be acceptable in a marriage and our goals in life are not in similar directions. Needless to say, I have made my decision. I am confident it is the right one for myself and my daughter. I will never by any means talk badly about him in front of our daughter nor to anyone. It is not my place to discredit him in her eyes by any means. What has happened between us is between us; she, unfortunately is an innocent bystander in this. |
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Sens is right, if you leave her with him, at the house you shared, he can file abandonment charges, and after that first inital step.....chances are, the mud slinging will begin on both sides! You may have the best intentions of not bad mouthing him, but if the feelings are there, your daughter will know, words don't have to be spoken for the message to be clear! Good Luck, and be fair with him, it is for daughters rights as well as his. Remember, you never know in the legal system when your rights can be taken away as well! When I divorced years ago, it was messy for a few months, but finally, we realized that it was better to work together for all involved, and we have gotten along well for 10 years now! Kids are happy, and we got to divide up our marital property as we saw fit! |
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I hate to burst your bubble Shoelady and Chevy but abandonment as termed by most states requires leaving the marriage for a period no less than a year. Applicable laws for each state vary but from what ive learned 1 year seems to be the norm. I dont believe she has been gone nearly that long. But i may be wrong. (but i may be right, i might be the lunatic you been looking for  ) sorry i had to toss some billy joel in there |
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You are referring to marriage abandonment. Sens and Chev are alluding to child abandonment. He can go to court and claim that she left her home and her child behind. Cass needs to get her behind to a lawyer or possibly a shelter, but by NO means, she leaves her home and her child with her soon-to-be-ex. |
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I have been formally corrected....my ooops!!!!!! (wonders if the shoelady leaves her marriage behind, if there is such a thing as BMW abandonment) |
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In what world do you think I would leave MY car rofl |
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How about in a nice tight black dress with pumps to match? Sorry Sens, but I am happy to find out that my mind is still good and dirty... LOL |
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That's ok at least your mind understood mine........ wait a minute not sure that is a good thing rofl |
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I agree with Senny... DO NOT LEAVE YOUR DAUGHTER! Trust me on this. Do whatever you have to do to provide a place for her. If you don't, it will slap you in the face and haunt you for the rest of your life. |
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Keep your daughter with you. Even though you're staying at your sisters. DO NOT let her go back to that house without you. STAY OUT OF THE BARS. Now is not the time for a "girls night out" for any reason. It will be used against you...period! Just get your shit together as quickly and as closely as what's considered to be the social norm as possible. This isn't going to be easy. Use all State and local resources as possible. You won't be able to afford a lawyer, family services may be able to assist you with some legal council. Behave and good luck! |
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Yep i think bars isnt such a good idea, girls night out can be alot of things.besides a bar. I agree with Miss also about taking your daughter with you. Where there is a will there is a way, just do alot of thinking and try to find a path to where youre headed. I traded booze for a hot cup of coffee and a heating pad and the tv watching reruns of seinfeld.. |
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There's nothing to add to the solid advice that Sunshine, Sens, Chev, Nosi and Asia gave you, Cass. The sisters got it going on! |
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