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| | From:  Wildasabug1 (Original Message) | Sent: 1/29/2008 3:38 PM |
Hi Gang!! I would appreciate your input (or additional ideas) for the following "house Rules. There are 3 people that live here - 2 x 46 year olds and one 19 year old. One of these is very negative and controlling as well as verbally and emotionally abusive. Yes, I know I should just boot that one out, and it may well come to that, but in the meantime, I believe in giving people the "benefit of the doubt" and allowing them time to change to a more appropriate behavior. Having tried a multitude of ways to improve the situation - this is what I now am going to do. Set up house rules which are a condition of remaining in the house. This is a first draft and not neccesarily complete. Any feedback you have is appreciated! (For those who want to tell me I'm a moron and should just kick the person out - I know that already yet I am choosing to give them another chance) House rules effective immediately:<o:p></o:p> <o:p></o:p> 1. Always treat each other with respect and consideration. No one person here is more important, or better, than another. - Each person is to be allowed their own individuality, entertainment, and past times.<o:p></o:p>
- Each person has a right to their own beliefs and opinions. While we may not agree with one another, we will listen to, and consider other’s opinions and feelings.<o:p></o:p>
- We will follow the “Golden Rule�? “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you�?<o:p></o:p>
- We will not assume the worst of each other when a mistake is made. We all make mistakes and if we wish to receive understanding and tolerance for the mistakes we make, we will offer the same treatment to others.<o:p></o:p>
- We will “own up�?to our mistakes immediately, offer a sincere apology to all involved, and make a sincere effort not to repeat the behavior again.<o:p></o:p>
- We will focus on building each other up with praise rather than tearing each other down with critism.<o:p></o:p>
- We will give each other personal space as needed without complaint.<o:p></o:p>
- We will practice only “constructive�?critism to help each other grow into better people.<o:p></o:p>
- For each one critism we offer, we must give at least 3 positive, supportive compliments.<o:p></o:p>
- We will always focus on the positive, rather than the negative and help each other to do likewise.<o:p></o:p>
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Ahh Therm - I love your reply! The reason it sounds like I am talking to a 5 year old - is that is about how old this person often acts. When I told him I expect to be treated with respect and consideration, he replied that he didn't know what those words meant - however he is quick to point out when he feels HE is being treated with a lack of consideration and/or respect. ( I stress the word feels - he flys off the handle at almost everything - it's gotten to the point where two of us just try to ignore him when he gets like this, so he does things like sit at the table and glare at us) I guess the length is that I'm trying to specify particular behaviors. This is also someone who pointed out that he had the right not to listen to the opinions of others. When I said fine, but then others also have the right not to listen to yours, he replied that the difference was - his opinions are right! |
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;) I'd give him a dictionary and have him look those words up. |
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OK Wild , Not sure who all this is directed to.....the 19 year old would my first impression or the 46 year old? If it's the 19 year old then very much as therm says. Respect to house owners or the doors open and leave the keys. If it's the 46 year old...very different. |
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i have learned one thing if anything 2 families can not live in the same household cause they seem to always some how not get along after so long |
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Wild, it seems that this is eating at you hard. I don't really see too much of a choice as they are driving you insane.
Kick them both out and use the peace and quiet to get your mind and body relaxed before reconsidering letting anyone back in.
It doesn't mean that you let the same people move back.
You know they are not changing so why put yourself through more pain?
ImJust |
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It is the 46 year old. Both the 19 year old and myself are the ones trying to deal with it. The complication is, the 19 year old is the half brother of the 46 year old's son and is here because there was no opportunity for him in his hometown (a couple of hours away) he is living here and working with the 46 year old as an apprentice. So just booting the 46 year old out would have an even more detrimental effect on the 19 year old. |
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Wild You're not going to be able to dictate the behavior of someone who has reached 46 years old. What you and the 19 year old can, and the only thing really, is change how you react. All of us can only do anything about how we act or react. We can not control the behavior of others. What I find effective is to continue to enjoy myself and refuse to let another ruin the day for me. If that means I go take a long walk...ok. Good luck... |
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I'm sorry wild but that appears to me to be more of a list of morals then rules. We learn that growing up, if he's 46 and is creating a hostile environment there's not much you can do but ask him to leave. If he already has that attitude handing him a set of rules will just make it worse. I'm sure it's going to affect the other one as well because of the work situation. Deciding how to react can only work for so long and then you have a bad day and boom. It all goes up in smoke. I'm not sure how you came to have these roommates, but the next time you enterview someone that will be sharing your personal space you should consider their disposition. I know it's hard, but this comes the woman that will not allow 2 of her own children to step foot on her property. You should just confront him and let him know you feel as though you are living in a hostile environment and if he can't do something about it then as owner of the home and who's opinion really counts since you are owner of the home, he'll have to leave. |
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I'm glad to see you are getting some really good advice, Wild. I don't have anything different to offer, but just wanted to wish you the best of luck in working this out.
I like your approach in asking for advice from your buddies here. New ideas can often be helpful, and sometimes what is expressed really helps in reinforcing the thoughts you already have.
The best thing I enjoy about seeing someone get this help is that it always seems to be earnestly provided in your best interest, without ulterior motives being involved. |
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I have ulterior motives! I want Wild to kick the other two out of the house so I can move in, 'cause she's a hottie. Hehehe... |
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| Dang. Now why didn't I think of that .... |
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