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| | From:  SweetCass22 (Original Message) | Sent: 9/8/2008 7:11 AM |
Here Goes... I met hubby when I was 17. Only had one "serious" relationship before him ( if you can call H.S. serious). He was 20. We moved in with each other when I was 19, I needed to get out of sisters house because of some disagreements. We got married when I was 20. I noticed things from the beginning that I thought would change. Like being disrespectful to parents, bad attitude. But yet it was the "bad boy" image that I fell in love with. Not realizing it would be an all the time thing. We got to a really bad point about 2+ yrs ago. He was calling me names, making me feel completely worthless. I am not a "maid" or your "b****". I am your wife, not your child. So I expect respect, and will give it in return. I left for a few months to help him see what he had "lost" or could "lose". We reconciled, things made a complete 360. They were really good for a long time. We are back to being selfish, disrespectful, and rude. No one works except for him, he is the only one that is tired. We now have a dtr that I adore. But he can not seem to watch her for longer than an hr at a time without complaining. I am MUCH more assertive than I used to be. I will take him down a notch or two in a heartbeat. And he knows that if he ever tries to lay a hand on me (which he hasnt) that I will be out that door so fast with my dtr that his head will spin. My actual question is: I have recently "noticed" all these things. Spoken to family members. Who ALL say that they never liked him. But put on a show for me. Because he was my husband and I loved him, they just let it go. Even though I did get warnings that I did not heed in the beginning. I am finished, done being yelled at for no reason, spoken to like I am 12, having a "curfew", walking on eggshells, being disrespected in front of people. I want to start putting money aside so that I am able to get things done for myself and my dtr. But I want to do everything legally. I want to show me, that I can take care of me, before I go into another relationship. I am just afraid of doing it on my own. I dont know where to start.. and I am asking all of you for help. Those that know me and know about me, those that dont know me but have been in my shoes, and those that just have something to say. My sister thinks it is about time I am doing this. I just need to know that it is right, and I need to know how to get the backbone to do it. And NOT worry about his feelings, but to worry about mine. And my daughters. Thank you, Kindly.. :) |
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that was a bit unfair of a reply to in my opinion. There are some who wouldn't care if the clothes go in the trash they still aren't going to pick them up and in the long run eventually they will have to be replaced which is an added expense that you can't afford when they don't hold a fulltime job. In fairness by the same token there probably are also women out there that refuse to ever grow up too. And sometimes it is sitting around a table talking to others to keep from blowing your own brains out trying to figure out how to cope with the situation or if it is best to get out of the situation. I would have to assume that since tld got out it was a little worse than what you interpretted from her post. All men cannot be trained and all women aren't as good at it as SWMBO was  |
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I think "unfair" is debatable, Sens. I could also say that by grouping wives ALL over, complaining about husbands ALL over makes it unfair to ALL men, so now we are at an impasse. We (men AND women) are pretty much like tomatoes. Some are green and with time, get ripe and delicious, some are already ripe so they are ready for consumption, and others are just rotten. The secret is in taking time and picking wisely, and DON'T start a salad until you pick the right tomato. |
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Now see there you had to bring up tomatoes everyone knows I have a soft spot for a good homegrown tomatoe |
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didnt dan quail also spell it tomatoe? you remember all the flack he caught about that. |
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LOL.....   No really, I'm all messed up now. Is there and e after tomato/tomatoe? No, it's tomato...I think...oh, crap....now I gotta go look it up. |
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Nope....soup label says tomato. |
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ROFL The anatomy of an evolving thread. |
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I added the e but left out the s my fault lol |
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Youre correct thermy, the word was potato. Its hard to remember what a guy like Dan Quail said, hes a guy you just want to forget !!!! |
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How could you forget a guy who likes to visit the great state of Chicago? |
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(((((((Cass)))))) We all make choices not always in our best interests. Having done it not long ago I feel for ya. What finally made up my mind was asking one question. Would I want my kid to grow up thinking certain behavior was acceptable? Even if there aren't any slaps or punches just as much damage can be done without leaving a mark on your skin. You can't change him and if he don't want to help you out now he's never gonna. Life won't get better if you don't force it to. Sometimes that means taking a leap of faith. Hugs hun, find your path. Gabrielle |
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Gabrielle_ Thank you... I am in that frame of mind right now. I want to make sure that Katelyn grows up in a "stable" environment. I know that may not happen in the traditional sense but I feel that a one parent household where morals and respect is taught is more effective than a 2 parent household where those things are vacant... |
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Sorry I'm late. I'm attracted to certain things from a man but would not under any circumstances marry one b/c he smelt good, he kissed good, was a good lover, or looked good on a horse or motorcycle, or looked good in a suit, etc etc. Get it? All inlaws put on a show in front of other inlaws!!!! that's a given. Most people play head games b/c they got nothing else to do. I would stand up to ur hubby in a heartbeat with or without you. I was visiting a girlfriend of mine last year, her husband was insulting on end the whole time I was there. Finally, I let him have it. I called him a name that he didn't like. He got snippy, I stood up to him and told him a few things. Their relationship is better b/c we got it out in the open. Who's afraid of the big bad wolf? Show me one. It's NOT your husband. My nephew is the same way, on his second marriage, smart aleck, insulting, teases alot in a degrading way, I smacked him. Everyone got mad, didn't speak, I had to hitch a ride home from Chicago. My sister wouldn't speak to me for months and months. I let them all go. They don't pay my bills and I will not be, will not be insulted by any mealy mouth insecure man or woman. Finally, after a year, my sister ended up telling him the same thing I did, only without the physical touch. LOL. He's actually getting a little better. Not saying that violence is the answer. If his behavior is affecting you, he knows it, everybody knows it, YOU know it. You don't need backbone, you just need a little more money, that ALWAYS helps me! You can be happy no matter what anybody else does. Pick a life, keep him around to pay the bills, make yourself content with things you like to do. Sometimes ya gotta be forgiving, other times, ya gotta be gogetting!!! Read more self help books. Not just anything. Start out with a christian's point of view, if you please. Law |
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Hehehe... I think you did good. They learned that they need to keep their distance the next time you reach for a can of wup-ass. |
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