>WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
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>She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
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>Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
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>Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
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>Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
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>And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
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> _____
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>WOMEN'S REVENGE
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>"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
>
>As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
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>"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
>
>"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
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>and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
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>
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> _____
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>UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
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>(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
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>I know I'm not going to understand women.
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>I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
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>pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
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>and still be afraid of a spider.
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>
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> _____
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>MARRIAGE SEMINAR
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>While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
>
>Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
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>"It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."
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>He addressed the man,
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>"Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
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>Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?
>
>
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> _____
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>CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
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>A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
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>The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
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>He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
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>She directs him down the correct aisle.
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>A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
>
>She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
>
>He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the storeto get me a carton of cigarettes,
>and she came back with a tin of tobacco
>and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
>
>So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.
>
>(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)
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>
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> _____
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>WIFE VS. HUSBAND
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>A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
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>An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
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>As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
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>the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
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>"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
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> _____
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>WORDS
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>A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
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>30,000 to a man's 15,000.
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>The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
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>The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
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> _____
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>CREATION
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>A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
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>so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
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>"The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
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>God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
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>God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
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> _____
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>WHO DOES WHAT
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>A man and his wife were having an argument about who
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>should brew the coffee each morning.
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>The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first,
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>and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
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>The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and
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>you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
>
>Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
>that the man should do the coffee."
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>Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
>
>So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him
>at the top of several pages, that it indeed says . "HEBREWS"
>
>
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> _____
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>
>The Silent Treatment
>
>A man and his wife were having some problems at home
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>and were giving each other the silent treatment.
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>Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him
>at 5:0 0 AM for an early morning business flight.
>
>Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
>
>"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
>
>The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and
>he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,
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>when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
>
>The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
>
>Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
>God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece
. . . My wife is indeed a masterpiece! I am a lucky man to have a spouse who can make me laugh at myslef.