It's not a bald spot! It's a solar panel for my sex machine.

If it weren't for the gutter, my mind would be homeless.

You know "that look" that women get when they want sex...Me neither.

People like you are the reason people like me need medication.

I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't stick my head that far up my ass.

Did you overdose on your idiot pill today?

There's one in every crowd and they always find me!

Genius by birth, slacker by choice

I'm not a gynecologist but I'll take a look

My those boobs look heavy...may I hold them for you?

I can hold my own but I'd rather hold yours

I'm not feeling myself today. Can I feel you?

I'd agree with you but then we'd both be wrong.

I'm not good at empathy. Will you settle for sarcasm?

Shhhhhh! That's the sound of nobody caring what you think

It's on my list of things to do (just after "see hell freeze over")

I'm not cynical, everything just sucks.

I don't believe in miracles...I rely on them.

Tact is for people who aren't witty enough to be sarcastic!

Beer doesn't make you fat, it makes you lean...against bars, doors, tables, walls and chairs.