The Middle Wife by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher:

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but
the best birth story I know is the one I s aw in my own second-grade classroom a
few years back. When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few
sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually,
show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes,
pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any
boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk
about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outg oing kid,
takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed
under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm
going to tell you about his birthday. First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of
their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there.
He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord."

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh
and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, oh, oh, oh!'" Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. "She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!'" Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.

"My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a
sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this." Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.

"And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!" This kid has her legs spread and with her little hands are miming water flowing away. It was too much!